I know this sounds depressing, but lately I have felt and received a growing witness from my study of the scriptures that we signed up for earth life so that we could be miserable. Hear me out.
So often in the church we focus on the promise of happiness and joy for living the gospel. We read repeatedly that if we obey the commandments we will prosper in the land, and we think that means that we will have happiness and success and feel joy all the time, and then when something goes wrong or even if nothing goes wrong but we don’t feel happy, we must be off track or not doing or being enough. We came here to have joy, right?
Of course it’s true that our purpose is to have joy. It spells it right out in that scripture we all memorize because it’s easy (two lines!) and comforting. “Men are that they might have joy.” But joy does not mean feeling happy all the time, and it definitely does not mean worldly prosperity. This is not a prosperity gospel, and our works won’t earn us salvation in this life or the next. The plan of happiness is not titled this way because it makes us feel happy all the time, but rather because we lacked capacity to know true happiness or joy before we came to earth! We had to pass through darkness and unhappiness to obtain it. We could not know a fullness of joy because we didn’t know real suffering. We didn’t know physical pain. We didn’t know separation from God. We had no depth. Just a couple of verses before everyone’s favorite seminary scripture, Lehi explains this to us:
“And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
“And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.
“But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”
(2 Nephi 2:22-25)
We came to earth to experience opposition. We came to be miserable. We came for sadness and depression and loneliness and death.
And we came because we had Heavenly Parents who assured us that this was the only way to be able to obtain the joy and the glory that They have, and we trusted them, and trusted in our brother Jesus Christ to redeem us from all that, so that those depths sounded by trial and struggle and pain could be turned to joy.
Satan wanted to avoid this path; he wanted the glory without the guts, the fullness without the fight. And ironically it won him only the misery without the promise of joy. So he seeks to make us “miserable like unto himself.” But he has no power over us unless we give it to him, because misery is exactly what we came here for! And as long as we turn to the Savior, all of that can be turned to joy. But we have to pass through it first. That’s what we signed up for, and we are prepared for the task.
What do we do with the knowledge that joy requires misery?
First, I think we share our misery. We learn that the joy of eternal life is meant to be shared, with all of us linked and sealed together as the family of our Heavenly Parents. Don’t you think, then, that we are also supposed to share our misery? THIS IS THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST. To bear one another’s burdens. To lift each other. To bring everyone to Christ so that the transformation from misery to joy can take place. As a wise friend of mine likes to say, to walk each other home.
I think we also need to let ourselves off the hook for trying to feel happy all the time and to make the people around us happy all the time. We remove the shame from depression and anxiety and mental illness and overwhelm. We leave people-pleasing for authenticity. We stop hiding darkness and doubt, trouble and trauma, sadness and sin, and stop making the people around us hide them. We talk about our pain and the parts of our life where things are going “wrong.” We allow ourselves to feel discomfort instead of avoiding it. Not to seek it out or to wallow in it, but to allow it and embrace it when it comes our way, knowing that it has a work to do in us that, according to the promise, will turn to joy. Because those are exactly the experiences that will bring us to Jesus Christ.
