When I take a step back from whatever is going on at a particular moment in my life, I recognize how my circumstances and sense of spirituality fluctuate and progress. I think that's necessary to keep me growing, but I still struggle during the thinner times. I found Paul's reassurances to the Romans really comforting this evening.
For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but he Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered... And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose... He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
Romans 8:24-26, 28, 32
Sometimes I feel like the reality of the Gospel and the purpose in my life are easier to see than at other times. But if it weren't so, I wouldn't have to have faith or hope or patience. It is enough to know that God loves me and gave His Son for me, and that He will give me all that I need, regardless of whether I know what exactly that entails.
I have been feeling a little thin lately too. I just realized that I work really hard to prove something to people, that i can take care of business i guess, but I also just realized how redicilous that is- and now all I want is to chill out, take out more loans and have a family life instead of coming home from 10 hour days exhausted. I really don't know what to do. I miss the days when all I had to do was choose between which institute class to take or what to make for my art project. Having a career is not what I ever saw down my pipeline. Who knows, maybe now that everyone else believes in me it's time to believe in myself. I hope that the lord will help me decide how to prioritize this time of my life.
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