Shame, Guilt, and Gospel

I went through a Brene Brown kick a while back where I listened to several of her audiobooks in a row. (I tend to do that with different authors.) She has so much good insight into the destructive power of shame in our lives and the gifts of vulnerability and refusing to hide when shame tells us to.

A key distinction that she and others in the psychotherapy world make is the difference between shame and guilt. Shame tells us that we are inherently flawed, and unworthy, and that we should shrink, hide, or disappear. It makes our sins and mistakes mean that we are not enough. Guilt, on the other hand, is a signal that our actions are out of alignment with who we are and our values, and that something needs to change. Guilt, essentially, leads to self-knowledge that we can use to repent. I would posit that guilt can be the godly sorrow mentioned in the scriptures, but shame cannot.

As I was reading the account of Lehi's vision this time around, I got stuck on the phrase, "And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed." (1 Nephi 8:25) It seems crazy that just after partaking of this most joyful fruit, the people could be shamed by the bullies in the great and spacious building. "And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost." (v. 28) It made me wonder in what ways shame might be hindering my progress in the Gospel.

One way that I know I have dropped the fruit, so to speak, is in my failure to share the Gospel with others. Last week I read the book The Power of Everyday Missionaries by Clay Christiansen, and it really laid out how the world convinces most of us in the Church that we can't and shouldn't share the Gospel all the time. And even knowing this, I am not sure I can open my mouth and say what I know I should. It seems so risky for some reason even though the only thing I have to lose is possibly the good opinion of others. That comes from shame--feeling like I need to hide who I am or reveal the Gospel only to those I know are interested. I plan to really pray and work on this because I realized just how much I am missing by not obeying that commandment and partaking of that fruit.

I looked for other references to shame in the Book of Mormon, and noticed this pattern: shame teaches us to hide, and the Lord says that the wicked will be ashamed in the presence of God. The righteous are instructed to put shame off and refuse to hide.

• Jacob 2:6, 6:9; Alma 12:15 - Wickedness will lead to feeling shame in the presence of God. The wicked will wish they could hide from Him because of their knowledge of their sins.
• 2 Nephi 7:5/Isaiah 50:6 - "I hid not my face from shame and spitting." The Lord was temped with shame just as we are, but he refused to hide. We follow Him when we stay in the light and refuse to hide, whether it be hiding what we know and avoiding the world's scorn or hiding our own sins from the Lord and from the world.
• 2 Nephi 9:18 - Saints who "despise the shame of [the world] shall inherit the Kingdom.
• Jacob 1:8 - men should bear the shame of the world, suffering Christ's cross. In this case, I don't think bear means to internalize it or accept it; I think it means not to hide from it or to turn inward because of it. To shake it off and keep living the Gospel out loud.
• 3 Nephi 22:4 - we shouldn't be confounded, "for thou shalt not be put to shame, shalt forget the shame of thy youth."

My conclusion was this: If we apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to our lives, we should shed shame. The world will try to shame us, but discipleship requires us to disregard that shame. It requires us to be vulnerable in both our public and private life, and willing to lay bare our true selves. That means refusing to hide who we are and refusing to hide from our sins.

Satan will try to convince us when we fail that we are inherently incapable of change and of success, so we shouldn't try; we can't change so the only way forward is to shrink of God's presence, to hide our sins and weaknesses or to justify them in comparison and judgment of others around us. At its core this concept is really very typical of Lucifer, who has always attacked the agency of man. If we are inherently incapable of obedience, then we do not have the agency to choose it. This is not of God, and is a lie. Because of Christ's Atonement, we can choose to change and be made whole in Him, regardless of how many times we fail, as long as we are willing to admit our sins, turn to Him, and just keep trying.

So I'll keep trying to put off shame and to put on the armor of God--to choose to lay bare my sins before Him daily and to trust that He can make me more than I am. I'll choose to live and speak the Gospel more boldly and to be the same person at home, work, and play that I am in church. And when I fall short, that will be okay too.