Own Your Own Conversion

 The truth is that you must own your own conversion. No one else can do it for you. 

May I invite you to consider a few questions? Do you want to feel peace about concerns that presently plague you? Do you want to feel know Jesus Christ better? Do you want to learn how His divine power can heal your wounds and weaknesses? Do you want to experience the sweet, soothing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ working in your life?

If your answer to these four questions is "yes," that is evidence that you want to have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel. I plead with you to take charge of your testimony. Work for it. Own it. Care for it. Nurture it so that it will grow. Feed it truth. Don't pollute it with the false philosophies of unbelieving men and women and then wonder why your testimony is waning.

Engage in daily, earnest, humble prayer. Nourish yourself in the words of ancient and modern prophets. Ask the Lord to teach you how to hear Him better. Spend more time in the temple and in family history work. 

As you make your testimony your highest priority, watch for miracles to happen in your life. 

If you have questions about the gospel and about your life--and I hope you do--seek answers with the fervent desire to believe. Learn all you can about the gospel by turning to truth-filled sources for guidance. We live in the dispensation when "nothing shall be withheld." Thus, in time, the Lord will answer all of your questions.

In the meantime, immerse yourself in the rich reservoir of revelation we have at our fingertips. I promise that doing so will strengthen your testimony, even if some of your questions are not yet answered. Your sincere questions, asked in faith, will always lead to greater faith and more knowledge.

-President Russell M. Nelson, Heart of the Matter, 2023, p. 52-53

Shame, Guilt, and Gospel

I went through a Brene Brown kick a while back where I listened to several of her audiobooks in a row. (I tend to do that with different authors.) She has so much good insight into the destructive power of shame in our lives and the gifts of vulnerability and refusing to hide when shame tells us to.

A key distinction that she and others in the psychotherapy world make is the difference between shame and guilt. Shame tells us that we are inherently flawed, and unworthy, and that we should shrink, hide, or disappear. It makes our sins and mistakes mean that we are not enough. Guilt, on the other hand, is a signal that our actions are out of alignment with who we are and our values, and that something needs to change. Guilt, essentially, leads to self-knowledge that we can use to repent. I would posit that guilt can be the godly sorrow mentioned in the scriptures, but shame cannot.

As I was reading the account of Lehi's vision this time around, I got stuck on the phrase, "And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed." (1 Nephi 8:25) It seems crazy that just after partaking of this most joyful fruit, the people could be shamed by the bullies in the great and spacious building. "And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost." (v. 28) It made me wonder in what ways shame might be hindering my progress in the Gospel.

One way that I know I have dropped the fruit, so to speak, is in my failure to share the Gospel with others. Last week I read the book The Power of Everyday Missionaries by Clay Christiansen, and it really laid out how the world convinces most of us in the Church that we can't and shouldn't share the Gospel all the time. And even knowing this, I am not sure I can open my mouth and say what I know I should. It seems so risky for some reason even though the only thing I have to lose is possibly the good opinion of others. That comes from shame--feeling like I need to hide who I am or reveal the Gospel only to those I know are interested. I plan to really pray and work on this because I realized just how much I am missing by not obeying that commandment and partaking of that fruit.

I looked for other references to shame in the Book of Mormon, and noticed this pattern: shame teaches us to hide, and the Lord says that the wicked will be ashamed in the presence of God. The righteous are instructed to put shame off and refuse to hide.

• Jacob 2:6, 6:9; Alma 12:15 - Wickedness will lead to feeling shame in the presence of God. The wicked will wish they could hide from Him because of their knowledge of their sins.
• 2 Nephi 7:5/Isaiah 50:6 - "I hid not my face from shame and spitting." The Lord was temped with shame just as we are, but he refused to hide. We follow Him when we stay in the light and refuse to hide, whether it be hiding what we know and avoiding the world's scorn or hiding our own sins from the Lord and from the world.
• 2 Nephi 9:18 - Saints who "despise the shame of [the world] shall inherit the Kingdom.
• Jacob 1:8 - men should bear the shame of the world, suffering Christ's cross. In this case, I don't think bear means to internalize it or accept it; I think it means not to hide from it or to turn inward because of it. To shake it off and keep living the Gospel out loud.
• 3 Nephi 22:4 - we shouldn't be confounded, "for thou shalt not be put to shame, shalt forget the shame of thy youth."

My conclusion was this: If we apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to our lives, we should shed shame. The world will try to shame us, but discipleship requires us to disregard that shame. It requires us to be vulnerable in both our public and private life, and willing to lay bare our true selves. That means refusing to hide who we are and refusing to hide from our sins.

Satan will try to convince us when we fail that we are inherently incapable of change and of success, so we shouldn't try; we can't change so the only way forward is to shrink of God's presence, to hide our sins and weaknesses or to justify them in comparison and judgment of others around us. At its core this concept is really very typical of Lucifer, who has always attacked the agency of man. If we are inherently incapable of obedience, then we do not have the agency to choose it. This is not of God, and is a lie. Because of Christ's Atonement, we can choose to change and be made whole in Him, regardless of how many times we fail, as long as we are willing to admit our sins, turn to Him, and just keep trying.

So I'll keep trying to put off shame and to put on the armor of God--to choose to lay bare my sins before Him daily and to trust that He can make me more than I am. I'll choose to live and speak the Gospel more boldly and to be the same person at home, work, and play that I am in church. And when I fall short, that will be okay too.

How Is It Done?

I finished reading the Book of Mormon today. I have learned so much about his time through and have been reminded how much Christ should be the center of my life. As I have read and looked for Christ in each page and each verse, I came to see again that there is a lack in my life, a place in my heart that is walled in by fear; a place where I have a hard time letting Christ in, where I can’t seem to apply my faith.

I believe in a Christ. I know He loves me, that He loves and died for each of us, that we can all be forgiven and have hope in His Atonement. And yet I often can’t seem to feel that it applies to me. Let’s take this week’s example:

I have been working a lot for the last who-knows-how-long at not yelling and losing my temper with my kids. It is my natural reaction to their defiance, and even though I know that it really doesn't help to fix any problems, I still fall into it. And I hate it. I hate how I feel, I hate how my kids look at me, I hate the thought of treating my babies that way. I am ashamed of myself, and I question my life decisions and my fitness for motherhood each time I do it.

Last week I did really well. I refused to get triggered by a lot of things, I was patient with my kids, I made a huge effort to have a good attitude through Christmas stress and tantrums and gatherings and messes, and I was proud of myself. I let my kids have friends over for a whole day and I cleaned up after their messes and bought them pizza and dealt with their meltdowns. And then a child was rude and defiant and persistently in my face instead of letting me cool off like I asked him to and I absolutely lost it. Maybe the worst I have ever done. I released all of my frustration on him and was  just terrible. And then I could hardly look at my children for the rest of the night. I felt worthless and absolutely hopeless. I have been given so much and I just can’t get it right, can’t be who I am supposed to be, can’t really change. I keep trying without getting any better. How can that happen? How can I ever overcome and how could that kind of behavior ever be erased? I’ve already scarred my children with it, I’ve already seen them look at me the way I swore as a child I would never make them do. How can I recover from that?

All week the words of Enos in his prayer echoed in the back of my mind, “How is it done, Lord?” How can this guilt be lifted and this rift mended? How could all of this possibly be swept away when I am screwing it up so royally?

He answers, “Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen.”

Enos didn’t just believe in Christ; he prayed all day and into the night with such earnestness that he called down an answer. He wrestled with himself before the Lord. And when God told him he was forgiven, he knew God couldn’t lie, so he believed.

Somewhere deep inside I am afraid to believe. Afraid to let go in case I am actually not enough, and my efforts aren’t enough to merit forgiveness. To be counted as His. Afraid that He really won’t make up for when I fail my children. Afraid that my failure will lead to theirs. And all that fear drives away my faith.

It was timely that I am as reading Moroni at this same time, because he taught me again about faith. How it leads to hope and love and every good thing, and not to despair. How Christ is calling me to Him and not looking for reasons to say I’m not enough or to punish me for my failings. He gave His life to bind up my wounds, and so that all of our imperfect efforts can be sanctified.

Tonight we had a little family counsel about the new Come, Follow Me curriculum and how we can make our home more gospel-centered. We talked about forgiveness, and about how we all mess up and even Mommy and Daddy are trying to do better so we can help each other. The same boy from the episode I described earlier declared, “You’re the best Mommy and the nicest Mommy in the world!”

My very sensitive and maybe more honest boy said, “Well, maybe you’re not the nicest mommy in the whole world, but I mean you’re nice.”

Thankfully I don't need to be the nicest or the best or the most perfect, because Christ did that already. But I can have hope that I can be nicer, better, and more perfect in Him.

The Bar of God

Be Reconciled

Studying in 2 Nephi 10, Jacob sums up his teachings with the exhortation:

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to teh will of God, and not to the will of hte devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in an through the grace of God that ye are saved.

I dwelt somewhat on the word "reconcile." Here's the definition from dictionary.com:

1.  to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired: He was reconciled to his fate.
2. to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.
3. to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).
4. to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.
5. to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).
6. to restore (an excommunicate or penitent) to communion in a church.

Definitions 3-6 seem to be the most applicable here. In implies bringing into harmony. Note that we are supposed to reconcile ourselves to God, not the other way around; we are the ones that need to become compatible or consistent, to reconsecrate ourselves and to restore ourselves to communion (i.e. oneness, communication) with God. Then even when we are reconciled, we must rely on His grace and continue this process until the end in order to become like He is.

Rough Thoughts on Freedom

From an old notebook I picked up to use again. Dated May 6, 2013.

Society often rejects whatever is hard or makes people feel bad.

EXAMPLES:

• Abstinence or Word of Wisdom--"It is pointless to teach because teens will do it anyway, or it is too hard to expect people not to participate."
• Nuclear Family--"Some people don't have it, and we don't want to make them feel bad, so we shouldn't talk about the idea."

Many also want to exclude any views that include or are founded on religious principles. But why should an opinion of a professor or the producers of Glee be more persuasive than God's commandments? Belief in their philosophy has no more foundation than my belief in a Biblical deity.

People want to be "free" from standards and ideals that decry their behavior and that call for change. But what kind of freedom is that? Freedom from home? From aspiring to greater things?

Paul said: 

For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.

What fruit had ye then in those things...?

But now being made free from sin, and become servants unto God, ye have your fruits unto holiness, and the end everlasting life."

         =Romans 6:20-22

President Packer, in April 2012 General Conference, said, "Life was never intended to be easy or fair." We can't water down our message with the idea that somehow we will be violating other's freedom because we teach something that is not immediately attainable for all. But we must consider each one through our individual ministry so that all can receive the portion of the Word that is theirs.

Talmage on Miracles and Human Agency

The procedure throughout was characterized by deep solemnity and by the entire absence of every element of unnecessary display. Jesus, who when miles away and without any ordinary means of receiving the information knew that Lazarus was dead, doubtless could have found the tomb; yet He inquired: "Where have ye laid him?" He who could still the waves of the sea by a word could have miraculously effected the removal of the stone that sealed the mouth of the sepulchre; yet He said: "Take ye away the stone." He who could reunite spirit and body could have loosened without hands the cerements by which the reanimated Lazarus was bound; yet He said: "Loose him, and let him go." All that human agency could do was left to man. In no instance do we find that Christ used unnecessarily the superhuman powers of His Godship; the divine energy was never wasted; even the material creation resulting from its exercize was conserved, as witness His instructions regarding the gathering up of the fragments of bread and fish after the multitudes had been miraculously fed.

-James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ.

Frankl on Freedom

From Man's Search for Meaning, p. 132

Freedom, however, is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast.

More Frankl on Meaning

From Man's Search for Meaning:

What is demanded of man is not, as some existential philosophers teach, to endure the meaninglessness of life, but rather to bear his incapacity to grasp its unconditional meaningfulness in rational terms. Logos is deeper than logic. 

-p. 118

At any moment, man must decide, for better or for worse, what will be the monument of his existence.

-p. 121

One of the main features of human existence is the capacity to rise above such conditions, to grow beyond them. Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary.

p. 131

As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation.

-p. 138

As to the causation of the feeling of meaninglessness, one may say, albeit an oversimplifying vein, that people have enough to live by but nothing to live for; they have the means but no meaning.

-p. 140

You may of course ask whether we really need to refer to "saints." Wouldn't it suffice just to refer to decent people? It is true that they form a minority. More than that, they always will remain a minority. And yet I see therein the very challenge to join the minority. For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best.

p. 154

Frankl on Attitude and Agency

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. . . . It is this spiritual freedom--which cannot be taken away--that makes life meaningful and purposeful.

-Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, p. 66-67

Anger and Agency

FYI I am trying to stop letting things pile up on my (physical and electronic) desk, so here come a random assortment of things I noted on my Kindle.

We lose power and risk our agency when we allow anger to influence our decisions and control us. Example from the Book of Mormon:

For behold, his designs were to stir up the Lamanites to anger against the Nephites; this he did that he might usurp great power over them, and also that he might gain power over the Nephites by bringing them into bondage.

-Alma 43:8, referring to Zarahemnah

The Rule of Law in the Eternities

How could he sin if there was no law? How could there be a law save there was a punishment?

Now, there was a punishment affixed, and a just law given, which brought remorse of conscience unto man.

Now, if there was no law given--if a man murdered he should die--would he be afraid he would die if he should murder? 

And also, if there was no law given against sin men would not be afraid to sin.

And if there was no law given, if men sinned what could justice do, or mercy either, for they would have no claim upon the creature? 

But there is a law given, and a punishment affixed, and a repentance granted; which repentance, mercy claimeth; otherwise justice claimeth the creature and executeth the law, and the law inflicteth the punishment; if not so, the works of justice would be destroyed, and God would cease to be God.

Alma 42:17-23

Filling our Homes with Light and Truth

Here is the talk I gave a couple of weeks ago in Sacrament Meeting. Of course, when I gave it it came out materially different than how it is written; some things were added, some changed, and some excluded altogether. But here is the written version (mostly for my own benefit).

[Here I have chosen to excerpt the banal introduction I gave of our family]

I was asked to choose a talk on marriage and family from the Women’s Session of April General Conference, and am going to base my comments on Sister Cheryl A. Esplin’s remarks, entitled, “Filling our Homes with Light and Truth.”

Having four little boys, this topic is always a concern for me to certain extent, but I feel it has been dwelling in my mind and heart more particularly as we have moved and settled into our first semi-permanent home and our older boys are getting to the age where they are figuring out what the Gospel means and how it applies to us. The duty to make my home a place of peace and refuge, safe even from my own temper and impatience, presses on upon me frequently. As the Savior said to Joseph Smith, I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth. (D&C 93:40)

The Soda Can

Sister Esplin spoke of an example that she had seen demonstrated at a meeting many years ago. The presenter showed two soda cans. One was empty, and the other was unopened and filled with soda. The presenter then squeezed each can. The empty can was, of course, easily crushed, while the full can was impervious to the presenter’s grip.

Satan’s Efforts

We all know that the world is full of influences that seek to destroy our spiritual foundations and capitalize on any weakness that may be found in our homes. Sister Esplin said this: Satan knows that in order for us and our families to withstand the pressures of the world, we must be filled with light and gospel truth. So he does everything in his power to dilute, distort, and destroy the truth of the gospel and to keep us separated from that truth.

Satan has a remarkable ability to deceive, confuse, and imitate truth, and as a result we live among conditions long foretold where many put evil for good and good for evil (Isaiah 5:20). It can be a confusing place for anyone, no matter our age or experience. But if our goal is for our homes to be filled with light, you can see really how dangerous it is to confuse light and darkness. In order to combat Satan’s efforts, we must have a keen sense of spiritual discernment. This requires us to be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost through our obedience and loyalty to the Savior, His Gospel, and His chosen servants.

I am going to share one area where Satan is placing particular emphasis in our day: the doctrine of the family.  In another talk from the Women’s Session, Sister Oscarson counseled us to be defenders of the Family Proclamation, particularly of marriage, of the roles of mothers and fathers, and of the sanctity of the home.

Because the family is a topic close to our hearts, bringing much joy in many cases and unfortunately bringing much pain in others, it can be a sensitive one to talk about. Satan is quick to turn that sensitivity into offense, defensiveness, confusion, and contention. These reactions can quickly drive the Spirit out of a discussion or prevent us from receiving counsel in the spirit in which it is intended. In order to stand up as defenders of the truth, we need to know it, to understand it in its varied nuances and applications, and to receive the confirmation of the Holy Ghost so that we can testify of it with purity and power.

Each of us has a different set of experiences, blessings, trials, and gifts that will enable us to understand and defend the family and other gospel truths in special and unique ways. By utilizing this storehouse of all of our collective contributions, the Lord can combat Satan’s forces and gather His sheep from out of the world according to the needs of each individual or circumstance. That requires all of us to develop our own testimonies and refine our gifts in order to be able to be a part of that force on the Lord’s side.

Sister Esplin put it this way: Many of us have been baptized and have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, whose role it is to reveal and teach the truth of all things. With the privilege of that gift comes the responsibility to seek truth, to live the truth we know, and to share and defend the truth.

This idea of having a responsibility to seek, live, and defend truth was really impressed upon me one day in my constitutional law class during my first year of law school. We were speaking about the constitutional implications of California’s Proposition 8, which amended the California Constitution to specify the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman, and which was on the ballot at the time. As law professors are wont to do, he asked us for our analysis, and then challenged our responses (which is a nice way of saying that he summarily shot down most everything we said; at the time it seemed to me that this was the main job of law professors). Then he said something that has stuck with me ever since, and that was that we as law students and members of the Church need to be able to articulate our opinions and beliefs to the world in the terms that they understand. In our case, those terms were the terms of the law, and if I was going to say that the definition of marriage should remain between one man and one woman, I needed to be able to give a cogent constitutional analysis and be able to dig up the jurisprudence to support my opinion. The Lord needs people who can articulate His position and stand for it in every type of venue, and if I was receiving the gift of a legal education, I needed to put in the time and effort to consecrate that gift for the defense of truth in my sphere.

It certainly is not just lawyers who the Lord needs to use our gifts and experiences to stand up and defend the home and family; it is all of us. As I have mentioned, my husband John, for example, has a very different educational background from me. Last year during a clinical rotation in psychiatry, John commented to me that without fail, every patient that he saw with severe ongoing problems had some sort of family trauma or abuse in their past. He was reminded how important strong, righteous families are and how much damage can be done when parents don’t provide that for their children. His experiences will enable him to defend Gospel truths regarding the family in a much different way than I can. We can each fill our lives with light and truth by standing up to defend our homes and families through righteous living and by consecrating our talents and experiences to the Lord’s work.

Filling with Lesser Things

Another way that Satan seeks to distract us is by having us fill up our lives with things of lesser value, so that there is less room for light and truth in our lives and homes. Having little children at home has given me a lot of new perspective on what kind of media I want in my home and for myself personally. Whenever my kids are awake, if the TV is on it is usually a children’s show, and when they are asleep, I am usually too tired to watch anything geared toward adults. This has led to a kind of default media purge on my part, and I found that when I do see grown-up TV shows and commercials now, I am much more sensitive to the images, the messages, the innuendo, and the influences that I don’t want my children to see. And I began to think, if I don’t want my children to see this, does my Father want me to see it? Is it worthy of my time and attention?

When considering any media in our home, I think we could do well to ask ourselves these questions: (1) Is this something that would offend the Savior if He were watching with me? Would I feel the need to skip parts or change the channel? Would I find myself trying to justify or explain my viewing choice because of the images or language included? (2) What messages are being communicated to my family in this show? Pretty much any show, whether it be a drama, a comedy, or a documentary, has some kind of message. Some of the more dangerous messages are communicated to us without our recognizing them because they are weaved into a funny story or we say, “It’s just entertainment.” How are the women being treated and portrayed in the media we consume? How about the men? What are the attitudes about marriage and family? Is there irreverence toward God or others? (3) Do I feel uplifted and closer to my Savior after participating in this media, or do I feel farther away? Does the media I consume meet the standard set in the 13^th Article of Faith; is it virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy (and not just for its comic appeal or special effects)?

The same could go for the music we listen to, the books we read, the art we view, and anything with which we fill our time and our homes. If we want to be filled with light and truth, we need to make room for it and not crowd it out with things of lesser value.

How to Fill Up

Now that we have opened up some space for more light and truth to enter, so to speak, how do we keep that space properly filled? Sister Esplin continued: When filled with the Spirit and with gospel truth, we have the power to withstand the outside forces of the world that surround and push against us. However, if we are not filled spiritually, we don’t have the inner strength to resist the outside pressures and can collapse when forces push against us.

If our homes are to be impervious to the attacks of the world, we need to consistently work to fill them with light and truth. And most of us know the “Primary answers” that teach us the basic things we need to do each day to fill ourselves up. For the word of the Lord is truth, and whatsoever is truth is light, and whatsoever is light is Spirit, even the Spirit of Jesus Christ. (D&C 84:45) As Sister Esplin said, We are continually counseled to increase our spiritual knowledge through prayer and through studying and pondering the scriptures and the words of the living prophets. 

Shortly after we had our first little boy Ethan, I recall thinking how the number of prayers and scripture study sessions in my life had multiplied in a few short years. When I was single, I worried only about my own personal scripture study and prayers. When John and I got married, I continued my own and we also tried to make it a priority to read and pray together daily. After Ethan was born he joined in on our routine, but then once he was big enough to understand a little, it was necessary to add a third separate family scripture study and prayer to the mix. At one point when I found myself short on patience or frustrated or down at home, I recall thinking how wise it was that the Lord had instructed us to have all of that study and prayer as we became parents, not just so that our children would learn, but because I needed so badly to be guided and taught constantly if I wanted to raise my children in light and truth.

I love this statement from Sister Esplin: Strong eternal families and Spirit-filled homes do not just happen. They take great effort, they take time, and they take each member of the family doing his or her part. Every home is different, but every home where even one individual seeks for truth can make a difference.

Consistent, Everyday Efforts

Having a home that is spiritually full means that every day we need to keep the counsel of prophets past and present, even when it seems that no one is listening or we can’t keep up or it isn’t making a difference. If we seek the Lord in prayer, He will consecrate our performance and our efforts to us, and that will make a great difference in what kind of foundation we and our children have to build on and how we will be able to withstand tests and trials in life.

This idea brings to mind an October 2009 talk by Elder David A. Bednar. He said, As our sons were growing up, our family did what you have done and what you now do. We had regular family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Now, I am sure what I am about to describe has never occurred in your home, but it did in ours.

Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.

This seems like my life exactly! This last week, for example, I spent some extra time preparing something for Family Home Evening that I thought was fairly important for the boys. However, I ended up feeling like I spent most of the lesson trying to corral the boys and threatening to withhold the treat at the end if they didn’t sit down and listen. So I am particularly encouraged by what Elder Bednar shared next: 

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.

Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time.

Elder Bednar then likened our efforts at home to a painting composed of thousands of tiny brushstrokes:  Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.

I know that as we consistently strive to seek after the Lord and to invite His Spirit into our homes through our everyday obedience, He will grant us the guidance we need to keep our homes safe and filled with light. As He said, Blessed are all they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost. (Matthew 5:6, 3 Nephi 12:6) If we seek daily to feed our Spirits just as surely as we seek to appease our hunger and nourish our bodies, we will be filled with the light and truth we seek.

The Temple

In addition to consistent study, prayer, and gospel teaching, our attendance at the temple will help us to fill our homes with light and truth. What better way to see and feel what a light-filled home should be like than to attend the very House of the Lord? As the Psalmist said, O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles. (Psalm 43:3) The mountain of the Lord is the standard to which our homes should aspire. That isn’t to say that we should beat ourselves up about having imperfect homes; that is an inevitability of life. I recall reading an account in the Ensign a few years ago in which a sister told about a cleaning assignment at the temple. The supervising Brother told the volunteers that they were not there to clean things that were dirty, but to keep that sacred place from every becoming dirty; to keep it unspotted. (“Unspotted From the World,” July 2012) My first thought was, if my home is supposed to be like the temple, I am never going to manage that! What’s the point? And of course in that line of thought, I entirely missed the point.

Just as we aspire to build ideal families even though inevitably that isn’t possible for everyone, we can aspire to make our homes clean both temporally and spiritually so that the Spirit can dwell in them. Just because we can’t achieve an ideal doesn’t mean that its shining example is not of value! By definition an ideal is a state of perfection, an ultimate objective and not a working model. But day by day we work in our own homes, and the more we see and bring that reminder of the Lord’s sacred house and the eternal family formed therein, the better we can better shape our homes according to that image.

We talk of Christ

And my final and most basic point centers in the One who is the center of everything we do in the Church and in our homes, who Himself is the way, the truth, and the life¸and the Light of the World. Paul counseled the Ephesians to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. (Ephesians 3:19) Weekly we are reminded that if we always remember Christ, we may always have His spirit to be with us. Nephi said, And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 Nephi 25:26) Christ Himself said, he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. (John 8:12)

If we want our homes to be filled with light and truth, we must make Him feel at home there through the things with which we fill our space, our time, and our hearts. If our hearts are set on Him and our priority is helping our family members come to know and follow Him, His spirit will fill our homes and make them safe havens from the pressures of the outside world.

I am so grateful for the peace and the assurance that comes from that promise, and particularly for what it means for my children. Despite my failings and imperfections, if I press on, seeking and defending truth, teaching it consistently, seeking it in the Lord’s house, and following Him who is its very definition, my children will know to what source they may look for light and truth, redemption and forgiveness.

I know that Christ lives. He loves us. He wants to bless and guide and comfort us. He is our advocate with the Father, which to me as an attorney means He is on our side, understanding our motives, looking for every possible argument in our favor, and seeking forgiveness and leniency for our sins and mistakes. If we make room for Him in our homes by loving Him and keeping His commandments, He will fill them with His presence, which is light and truth. As he said, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. (John 14:23)

Be a Man

Sometimes I come across a talk or piece of literature and think, "This needs to be on my boys' required reading list when they are older." Today another blogger posted this talk, and it is one of those.

From Carlos B. Away, in April 1992 Priesthood Session:

There is a lie—a vicious lie—circulating among the Latter-day Saints and taking its toll among the young. And it is that a “balanced man” is one who deliberately guards against becoming too righteous. This lie would have you believe that it is possible to live successfully and happily as a “double-minded man” with one foot in Babylon and one foot in Zion. (See James 1:8.)

. . .

Can a man be too righteous? Too Christlike? Impossible! Can the so-called “balanced man” walk successfully the beam between good and evil? No. Each step is shaky, and eventually he will teeter and fall and break himself against the commandments of God.

I have come across this attitude plenty in life, but it was most pronounced in college; from the guy that told my friend that going to do weekly baptisms for the dead was "a bit much" (FYI not a good way to impress a girl who goes to do weekly baptisms for the dead.), to people who called me "Molly Mormon" for not wanting to see certain movies, listen to certain music, or hang around certain places. If I am going to live the Gospel, I want to be all in! There are enough things I struggle with on a daily basis, why not discard things that are easily identifiable as being without merit for me?

I was very blessed with a strong group of friends who supported each other and never tore others down for striving to be their best selves, and that was one of the things that drew me to John as I got to know him. I hope that my children are blessed in that way, and that our family culture can be one where they support each other in righteousness. They will be up against a great deal of pressure to follow the ways of the world, and it is sometimes hardest when those who should be on our side add to that pressure.

Desires and Treasures

From Elder Teh of the Seventy:

I bear testimony that our priorities, tendencies, inclinations, desires, appetites, and passions will have a direct bearing on our next estate. Let us always remember the words of the Savior: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

When I think of the Lord's statement that I will be judged on my desires, I often tend to link that with my desires for what I hope to someday be, or what deep down I know is best. But I don't always think of my everyday desires and tendencies--all those times I pay attention to lesser things or desire to do easy things instead of hard ones. Those are counted too, and are just as much a part of me as the former desires. Clearly I need to work harder to make my daily choices such that the gap between the two dwindles.

Obedience, Body and Spirit

An interesting quote from Elder Perry, after he compared a bit in a horse's mouth to the Holy Ghost guiding us:

We must be sensitive to our spiritual bits. Even with the slightest tug from the Master, we must be willing to completely alter our course. To succeed in life, we must teach our spirit and body to work together in obedience to God’s commandments. If we heed the gentle promptings of the Holy Ghost, it can unite our spirits and bodies in a purpose that will guide us back to our eternal home to live with our eternal Father in Heaven.

My first thought: that is a powerful little sentence tucked in the middle! Am I paying enough attention to recognize the slight tugs that that may lead me to a complete course correction? I certainly hope so.

Second: That is interesting counsel about uniting our spirits and bodies. Our culture increasingly tells us that our bodily urges are irresistible, or that it is too much to demand of people to expect them to resist them. But if we train ourselves to follow the "slightest tug from the Master," we will have the discipline to unite our body with our spirits, training them in righteousness, so that together they can fulfill the purposes of our creation.

Spiritually Spoiled

It has been a while, so I thought I need to pick up writing again. The topic on my mind is this: I am spoiled.

With the internet and social media, I have the benefit of keeping in touch with a lot of people I would have otherwise lost, which also means that I hear about many of their trials and the trials of their friends, acquaintances, and people they've heard of. Daily I hear about some new tragedy that has happened somewhere, some new heartache someone is facing, some new difficulty coming upon another family. I have started to make a habit of saying an immediate prayer any time I read of someone's trial or someone who asks for a prayer, because I know I won't remember all of them later. 

Inevitably, I look at my own life and think, "Wow, I am spoiled!" Of course life isn't easy and I have my struggles, but almost all of them are struggles of my own choice. I want to have a big family and still practice law on the side? Yup, that is going to be a lot of work. Exactly what I longed and prayed for. I want my husband to go to medical school and become a doctor while we are having that big family? That is going to be a lot of time and hard work and struggle. Exactly what we pleaded for the Lord to allow us to do. Callings and life changes require a lot of us? Exactly what we wanted and covenanted to do, knowing the blessings that we would get in exchange. 

In short, the Lord has given me everything I've ever seriously asked for, and every day I still beg for Him to help me get through it. Pretty humbling when I think about it.

So why on earth do I slack on the work before me? Why does my scripture study vary in effectiveness and intensity? Why don't I take better care of what I am given? I have been reading in the Book of Mormon about those last years before Christ visited the Nephites, and it has been a good reminder not to take for granted my blessings or to get so caught up in advancing in the world that I let the most important things slip. One of the great lessons of the Book of Mormon is that prosperity can test spirituality as much as suffering can, and that chastisement is the Lord's way of calling His people to Him and refining them in His image.

For the record, I do not desire any additional trials to call me, but I do want to be sure that I am listening to the Lord daily through the voice of His Spirit, and acknowledging His hand in my life and learning what He would teach me.

Guardians of the Law

Yesterday I picked up my copy of the Clark Memorandum and read Judge Sheila McCleve's speech at last year's JRCLS Founders Day dinner, entitled "Guardians of the Law." You can read the full text here, and I highly recommend it. There are a very few choice moments that have defined to me why my Heavenly Father wanted me to be a lawyer. One involves the feelings I had when I decided to go to law school. Another came as my Constitutional Law professor spoke to us about the need for us as representatives of our faith to be able to articulate our position to the outside world. And yesterday, reading this speech became another. Here is a pertinent excerpt (excuse all the ellipses, I wanted to just paste the whole address, but settled for trying to keep all the key parts for me):

On that founding day President Romney addressed the question of the reason for the Law School. He didn't explicitly say the reason for the Law School. Instead, he talked about a few things that would prepare us to understand the reason. First, and I think most important, he began to outline gospel "verities," as he termed them. One, we are children of God. Two, this life is about more than mortality. . . Three, God's purposes for this life are our immortality and eternal life. Our Father in Heaven gives us the opportunity to choose to be with Him and helps us get there. Four, the only way back to our Father is through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Five, the Church is here to teach and administer to all the world--to all the world. Finally, six, we have been given the ability to choose our own destiny.

These six things in actuality explain the plan of salvation.

. . .

When he gave the dedicatory address and prayer two years later at the dedication of the Law School building, President Romney further explained what Heaven expects of us. He said, "And Father, help the lawyers trained in this law school to remember that they are to be the guardians of the law Isaiah spoke of three thousand years ago, when he said, 'Out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.'"

. . . 

What was the law Isaiah spoke of? . . . A partial fulfillment of the law going forth was the establishment of our constitutional form of government and its influence throughout the world.

. . . 

The purpose of the Constitution is, through the law, to allow us to choose our own destinies. That is the law that Isaiah spoke of. In other words, it is the law that enables and protects moral agency.

 I don't know to what extent or in what field I will eventually practice law, but I do know that my Father wanted me to understand the purpose and importance of the law, and gave me gifts to be able to articulate those purposes when the world is largely rejecting them. It is something I need to develop even now that I feel so far removed from the legal world.

The Lord's Table

Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils.

Do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? are we stronger than he?

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.

1 Corinthians 10:21-23

This is what I try to keep as my philosophy on obedience. Just because something isn't forbidden doesn't mean it is worth having in my life; I would like to be invited to the heavenly table, so I can't take trips on over to the devil's buffet for my own entertainment, especially when there are so many edifying entrees that it would take my whole life and then some to enjoy them all.

President Eyring on Education

From "Real-Life Education", CR April 2009, (emphasis added):

Our education must never stop. If it ends at the door of the classroom on graduation day, we will fail. And we will need the help of heaven to know which of the myriad things we could study we would most wisely learn. We cannot waste time entertaining ourselves when we have the chance to read or to listen to whatever will help us learn what is true and useful. Insatiable curiosity will be our hallmark.

...

The real life we’re preparing for is eternal life. Secular knowledge has for us eternal significance. Our conviction is that God, our Heavenly Father, wants us to live the life that He does. All we can learn that is true while we are in this life will rise with us in the Resurrection. And all that we can learn will enhance our capacity to serve. That is a destiny reserved not alone for the brilliant, those who learn the most quickly, or those who enter the most respected professions. It will be given to those who are humbly good, who love God, and who serve Him with all their capacities, however limited those capacities are—as are all our capacities, compared with the capacities of God.