Arnot on the Seed in the Thorny Ground

The earthly affections in the heart which render religion unfruitful in the life are enumerated under two heads,—“The care of this world,” and “the deceitfulness of riches;” the term riches includes also, as we may gather from Luke’s narrative, the pleasures which riches procure. Both from our own experience in the world and the specific terms employed by the Lord in the interpretation of the parable, we learn that all classes and all ranks are on this side exposed to danger. This is not a rich man’s business, or a poor man’s; it is every man’s business. The words point to the two extremes of worldly condition, and include all that lies between them. “The care of the world” becomes the snare of those who have little, and “the deceitfulness of riches,” the snare of those who have much. Thus the world wars against the soul, alike when it smiles and when it frowns. Rich and poor have in this matter no room and no right to cast stones at each other. Pinching want and luxurious profusion are, indeed, two widely diverse species of thorns; but when favoured by circumstances they are equally rank in their growth and equally effective in destroying the precious seed.

...

 It was where the seed and the thorns grew together that the mischief was done. If the grain is permitted to occupy alone the heart of the field, the thorns that grow outside and around it may constitute a hedge of defence, not only harmless but useful. There is a place for cares, and for riches too,—a place in which they help and do not hinder the kingdom of God. Kept in its own sphere, the lawful business of life becomes a protecting fence round the tender plant of grace in a Christian’s heart. Permit not the thorns to occupy the position which is due to the good seed. Not as rivals within the field, but as guards around it, earthly affairs are innocent and safe. “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”

-William Arnot, The Parables of Our Lord.

Talmage on Homemaking (Mary and Martha)

By inattention to household duties, the little touches that make or mar the family peace, many a woman has reduced her home to a comfortless house; and many another has eliminated the essential elements of home by her self-assumed and persistent drudgery, in which she denies to her dear ones the cheer of her loving companionship. One-sided service, however devoted, may become neglect. There is a time for labor inside the home as in the open; in every family time should be found for cultivating that better part, that one thing needful—true, spiritual development.

-James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ.

Discernment

Desires and Treasures

From Elder Teh of the Seventy:

I bear testimony that our priorities, tendencies, inclinations, desires, appetites, and passions will have a direct bearing on our next estate. Let us always remember the words of the Savior: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

When I think of the Lord's statement that I will be judged on my desires, I often tend to link that with my desires for what I hope to someday be, or what deep down I know is best. But I don't always think of my everyday desires and tendencies--all those times I pay attention to lesser things or desire to do easy things instead of hard ones. Those are counted too, and are just as much a part of me as the former desires. Clearly I need to work harder to make my daily choices such that the gap between the two dwindles.

Elder Scott on Keeping Sight of God's Objectives

I need to remember this all the time!

God’s purpose is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” That is fundamental to all we do. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in things that we find fascinating or become so consumed by mundane responsibilities that we lose sight of God’s objectives. As you consistently focus your life on the most basic principles, you will gain an understanding of what you are to do, and you will produce more fruit for the Lord and more happiness for yourself.

-Elder Richard G. Scott, "I Have Given You an Example," April 2014 General Conference

My talk on Fidelity in Marriage and Relationships

I gave this talk on Sunday. I left out about 2/3 of the quotes I have here, and of course ended up giving it a bit differently than I wrote it, but the gist is the same.

Fidelity in Marriage and Relationships

As I first started reading up in preparation for this talk, the majority of the discourses I found focused on condemning all of the aspects of infidelity. We all know and understand what those are. We know how devastating adultery and pornography can be to sacred relationships. We know that small indiscretions and flirtations can damage precious relationship and lead to serious sin. We know that unfaithfulness in parents can have lasting effects on children for generations to come. But, thankfully, I didn’t feel the need, nor could I bear to spend an entire talk on those things, to, as Jacob put it, enlarge the wounds of those who are already wounded, instead of consoling and healing their wounds; and those who have not been wounded, instead of feasting upon the pleasing word of God have daggers placed to pierce their souls and wound their delicate minds.

Instead I’d like to focus on what we can do to build fidelity in our marriages and our family and personal relationships, including our relationships with ourselves and with God, because when we are actively, continually, and carefully working to build our relationships, it is much less likely that we will fall into temptation with respect to them.

Joseph Smith taught that Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God. (Teachings, p. 255-256)

While the world may teach that happiness is a product of the pleasure of outward circumstances, the Gospel of Jesus Christ tells us that happiness is the product of personal righteousness. The greater our fidelity to the Lord and to others, the greater our peace and happiness will be and the more the Lord will be able to pour out His guidance and blessings upon us. We achieve this by making and keeping sacred covenants that bind us to the Lord and school us in becoming like He is.

Meanings of fidelity:

·         Loyalty

·         Faithfulness

·         Adherence to truth

·         Accuracy and exactness

·         Strict observance of duties and promises

Lasting, loving relationships of any kind cannot survive without fidelity; without each participant living so as to earn and retain the trust of others and the approbation of God.

When I think of fidelity in this light, the 13^th article of faith comes to mind. To me, it provides great practical instruction for how to join our fidelity to God with our fidelity to others. We Believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men. To me this embodies fidelity. We start by avoiding deceit and keeping our promises, being honest, true and chaste. We deepen our fidelity by seeking continually to do good and be virtuous and kind in all of our interactions.

We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. Do we trust and hope for the best in others, enduring hard things with them and lifting them up? There is no fidelity if we abandon others in the hard moments.

If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things. Fidelity also requires that we look for the true version of those around us, seeing them as God sees them and as they can become. When we look for the worst, compare and compete, criticize and tear down, we are not being true to God, to each other, or even to ourselves. Ironically, it can be easiest to fall into this trap with respect to those closest to us because we know them the best and want them to meet our expectations. But as the Article says, we must seek after the things that are lovely, good, praiseworthy, or virtuous.

I struggle with this with my children; at the end of the day, I too often feel like I’ve spent all of our interactions in breaking up fights and putting out fires; that my children have received a lot of supposed discipline without a lot of encouragement. While I do need to let them know when they have made a mistake, they need to know even more when they have been kind and thoughtful. Looking for the good in others enables us to see truth, or things as they really are. Then we will see the true, high-fidelity picture of our loved ones. Ultimately, as we lift each other, all of us will get closer to God.  

In a 1979 address at BYU,  Spencer W. Kimball said: Like some of the very sophisticated recording equipment I hear in your rooms, we not only need fidelity at this university, we need high fidelity. We need great faith on your part, for we live in a time of temptation and opposition. Allegiance to the straight and narrow path of Christ is crucial, and it has implications for you far beyond a dress and grooming code or a stated paragraph of moral behavior. We live in a day when our allegiance is being sorely tested. Satan is succeeding too well in many places, and he succeeds when he entices any person to excuse himself in wrong doing. Almost all dishonesty owes its existence and growth to that inward distortion we call self-justification. It is the first, and worst, and most insidious form of cheating: We are cheating ourselves. (“On My Honor,” BYU Address 1979)

* Bishop Richard C. Edgely: Honesty is the basis of a true Christian life. For Latter-day Saints, honesty is an important requirement for entering the Lord’s holy temple. Honesty is embedded in the covenants that we make in the temple. Each Sunday as we partake of the holy emblems of the Savior’s flesh and blood, we again renew our basic and sacred covenants—which encompass honesty. As Latter-day Saints we have a sacred obligation to not only teach the principles of honesty, but also to live them… Honesty should be among the most fundamental values that govern our everyday living.

When we are true to the sacred principles of honesty and integrity, we are true to our faith, and we are true to ourselves.

Oct 2006. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/three-towels-and-a-25-cent-newspaper?lang=eng&query=true+to+covenants

The world has much to say about what it means to be “true to ourselves,” and it mostly has to do with being “who you are” in the sense that you shouldn’t have to try to change anything to gain others’ approval. This can be an insidious twist on a true principle. We are children of God. We have inherent value, and all deserve to be loved and treated with kindness. However, being true to our eternal, divine selves means looking beyond our current state and working toward reaching our eternal potential. The Plan of Salvation teaches us that our true self is not a collection of my quirks, habits, and moods, that I put out on a “take it or leave it basis.” When I am true to myself, I demand more of myself. I see beyond and work to emulate the Savior, whose life and work embody what I can become.

As a character trait, our fidelity grows as we make and keep sacred covenants with God; those covenants bind us to be true in our treatment of others at all times, in all things, and in all places that we may be in.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said of this responsibility: The Saints are to be absolutely without guile in every aspect of their lives: in their homes and families, Church callings, all business dealings, and, especially, the private and personal parts of their lives into which only they and the Lord see.

I suggest that we look into our hearts and see whether our motives and actions are pure and above reproach and to see whether we are free of deceit and fraud. Perhaps we can ask ourselves a few questions. (I’ll list just a few of these questions, as he lists many):

Are we totally free of guile in our conversations and associations with our spouses and children so they always know what to expect and always have unquestioning trust and confidence in us?

Are we satisfied with our personal standards of integrity, morality, and honesty? Can we say of ourselves, as Jesus said of Nathanael, that we are without guile?

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Without Guile,” April 1998.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1988/04/without-guile?lang=eng&query=true+to+covenants

When we are true to the Lord and to ourselves, it will not be a huge leap to keep the covenant to be true to our spouses.

With respect to marriage specifically, the Lord has set out a clear outline for spouses in The Family: A Proclamation: Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. 

As Ezra Taft Benson taught: “Fidelity to one’s marriage vows is absolutely essential for love, trust, and peace. Adultery is unequivocally condemned by the Lord.

“Husbands and wives who love each other will find that love and loyalty are reciprocated. This love will provide a nurturing atmosphere for the emotional growth of children. Family life should be a time of happiness and joy that children can look back on with fond memories and associations” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Salvation—A Family Affair,” Ensign, July 1992, 2; or student manual, 283).

Before I go further, I want to emphasize a couple of points, as this subject can be a sensitive one for many. For the marriage covenant to be honored, both spouses must be faithful and true to each other and to becoming their best selves. It is a tried and true principle that you can’t fix a marriage by focusing on the other spouse’s faults, but it is also true that you can’t fix a marriage alone. Both spouses must be seeking to make the marriage work, seeking the other’s well-being before their own, and seeking to put the Lord above all. While I hope that we won’t focus on the failures of others, I also hope that none will feel themselves a failure because their best efforts did not change the bad choices of another. Loving and forgiving does not require enduring abuse or mistreatment; both spouses must choose to be true to their covenants. Having spent some time and study on family law and domestic abuse, I have learned that the same words that can rightly guide and encourage one marriage may make an abused spouse feel guilt at not being able to fix something out of their control, or obliged to remain in a harmful situation. I hope that the thoughts and quotes that I share are taken with that understanding in mind. And for all, regardless of what may be in our past or even our present, the Atonement is available and powerful, and things of the past can be made clean and should be left behind.

Jumping back in a bit more, as I’ve mentioned, fidelity goes beyond simply avoiding lying or cheating. It requires a continual building of love and trust. If we neglect these things, we not only risk our bond with our spouse, but we risk compromising the trust and growth of our children. It is likely that their own families will come to reflect what we have exemplified to them to a greater or lesser degree.

* ELDER DURREL A. WOOLSEY, “An Eternal Key” nov 1990 It is absolutely essential that you set an undeviating course of loyalty and faithfulness to your companion, to whom you have previously made these very commitments and promises. The example of your great love and respect for her, the two of you being as one, will establish a singular guiding strength that your children will desire to follow. Your voices and actions blending together in a united front as you teach and lead your little family will be the trumpet with a certain sound of strength and unity leading to safety. Synonyms of fidelity are allegiance and devotion. They will be critical supports to your foundation of fidelity.

Then-Elder Thomas S. Monson gave this advice: As parents, we should remember that our lives may be the book from the family library which the children most treasure. Are our examples worthy of emulation? Do we live in such a way that a son or a daughter may say, “I want to follow my dad,” or “I want to be like my mother”? Unlike the book on the library shelf, the covers of which shield the contents, our lives cannot be closed. Parents, we truly are an open book. Pres. Thomas S. Monson, “Hallmarks of a Happy Home,” Oct. 1988.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1988/10/hallmarks-of-a-happy-home?lang=eng&query=happiness+the+object+of+our+existence

Much has been said about how to set this kind of example and continually build a celestial marriage relationship. Now if this talk wasn’t already enough like a quote book, it’s about to get worse. Here we go.

To wives and husbands the Lord has said: D&C 25:14  Wherefore, lift up thy heart and rejoice, and cleave unto the covenants which thou has made. Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him.

D&C 42:22-23  Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.

President Kimball said: It is not enough to refrain from adultery. We need to make the marriage relationship sacred, to sacrifice and work to maintain the warmth and respect which we enjoyed during courtship. God intended marriage to be eternal, sealed by the power of the priesthood, to last beyond the grave. Daily acts of courtesy and kindness, conscientiously and lovingly carried out, are part of what the Lord expects” (President Kimball in Conference Report, Oct. 1978, 7; or Ensign, Nov. 1978, 6).

Here I think I might add that in addition to giving daily acts of kindness, we should be careful in recognizing them. Sometimes when I am in one of those moods, I will get worked up about things that I wish John had done, and I completely overlook the things that he did do to show that he cares – stopping his studies to help me with the boys, changing diapers, jumping in to help me when I am getting stressed out even though he has a lot on his own plate, or taking the screaming baby when I’m at the end of my rope. We’re at a place where our wallets can’t afford a lot of flowers and our waistlines can’t afford a lot of chocolates, but I am finding that the best “I love you’s” can come in much more mundane ways.

President David O. McKay said, “There is no great thing the man or woman can do to keep love alive and healthy, but there are many little things given daily, and, if possible, hourly—a kind word, a courteous act, a smile, an endearing term, a sparkle in the eye, an unexpected service, a birthday greeting, a remembering of the wedding anniversary—these and a hundred other seemingly insignificant deeds and expressions are the food upon which love thrives.” (Secrets of a Happy Life, Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1960, p. 18.)

Richard L. Evans said this: All things need watching, working at, caring for, and marriage is no exception. Marriage is not something to be indifferently treated or abused, or something that simply takes care of itself. Nothing neglected will remain as it was or is, or will fail to deteriorate. All things need attention, care and concern, and especially so in this most sensitive of all relationships of life. (Richard L. Evans in Richard L. Evans’ Quote Book, Salt Lake City, Publishers Press, 1971, p. 16.)

And President Hinckley: Be loyal in your family relationships. I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage. Every week I have the responsibility of acting on requests for cancellation of temple sealings. …I am grateful to be able to say that divorce is much less frequent with those married in the temple. But even among these there is far more divorce than there should be.

The bride and groom come to the house of the Lord professing their love one for another. They enter into solemn and eternal covenants with each other and with the Lord. Their relationship is sealed in an eternal compact. No one expects every marriage to work out perfectly. But one might expect that every marriage in the house of the Lord would carry with it a covenant of loyalty one to another.

I have long felt that the greatest factor in a happy marriage is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. In most cases selfishness is the leading factor that causes argument, separation, divorce, and broken hearts.

Brethren, the Lord expects something better of us. He expects something better than is to be found in the world. Never forget that it was you who selected your companion. It was you who felt that there was no one else in all the world quite like her. It was you who wished to have her forever. But in too many cases the image of the temple experience fades. A lustful desire may be the cause. Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it.

…

Brethren, be loyal to your companion. May your marriage be blessed with an uncompromising loyalty one to another. Find your happiness with one another. Give your companion the opportunity to grow in her own interests, to develop her own talents, to fly in her own way, and to experience her own sense of accomplishment.

President Hinckley, “Loyalty,” April 2003. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/loyalty?lang=eng&query=true+to+covenants

On another occasion he elaborated: Selfishness is the antithesis of love. It is a cankering expression of greed. It destroys self-discipline. It obliterates loyalty. It tears up sacred covenants. It afflicts both men and women. (Pres. Hinckley, in Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 96; or Ensign, May 1991, 73).

I am very blessed to have had a wonderful example growing up in my loving, loyal parents who put each other and us before themselves. They had their share of trials and troubles, but their love of the Lord and of each other took first priority and they remained faithful to each other. Though I know they had their differences at times, I never heard either of them say a disparaging thing about the other to us or to anyone else.

I have been really grateful for this example in my marriage. Because I tend to do a lot of self-deprecating and poking fun at myself, when we were first married I found myself lumping John in with myself and doing the same with him. Sometimes I would catch myself and wonder if what I had said may have been hurtful, and I’ve tried to be more careful. Frankly, I am very lucky that he really doesn’t give me any material for complaining, but at times it seems like others make sport of pointing out and laughing at their spouses’ weaknesses or habits. In those moments I try to make sure that my loyalty remains with John in the things that I say to others, whether he hears them or not, and whether it is in jest or not. John has been very considerate in doing the same for me, and it has meant that we have been able to freely trust each other with our thoughts, feelings, concerns, and fears, having the confidence that neither will intentionally hurt the other.

In a March, 1979 Liahona article, Veon G. Smith pointed out three myths that can undermine marriages: The first myth says, “If I have my wedding in the temple, the marriage will take care of itself.” But it won’t. Marriage is a dynamic interaction between two growing, changing people, and it requires constant focus on the quality of that interaction if the marriage is to be close and meaningful. A temple marriage does not automatically guarantee a celestial marriage—or even a pleasant one.

The second myth says, “If the marriage is not successful, I should start over.” But success is not an instant achievement. By definition, marriage is a continuing process, not a final stage. Consequently, it will be more successful at some points than at others. Many people want or expect instant success in all dimensions of marriage; if any aspect seems less than perfect, one despairs and thinks, “I married the wrong person.” This attitude frequently turns one’s attention toward someone other than his marriage partner.

The third myth says, “Loving my spouse does not preclude the possibility of becoming involved with anyone else.” The task for every married person is to maintain loyalty and fidelity with one person; the spouse. It is inappropriate to feel and express to others the same love feelings one expresses to a spouse.

He continues:

Fidelity, like infidelity, is a process. Fidelity, the positive quality is measured by the degree of loyalty, allegiance, and commitment between husband and wife. Infidelity, the negative quality, results from insufficient feelings of loyalty and allegiance. Any action that fosters inappropriate relationships with another person erodes fidelity.

Two souls, united in matrimony, can achieve spiritual and temporal unity only if they constantly increase their friendship, love, and loyalty by expressing their feelings verbally, by maintaining mutual respect, and by demonstrating concern for each other.

…

Like most illnesses, infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy, and the best prevention is to work hard at developing a good marriage. Temple marriage, entered into with a firm commitment to make the marriage an eternal relationship, is a solid foundation. Strong personal commitment, not only to one’s spouse, but to the institution of marriage as it has been divinely ordained, emphasizes the necessity of faithfulness—not only faithfulness to another person, but faithfulness to our Father in heaven.

https://www.lds.org/liahona/1979/03/warning-signs-of-infidelity?lang=eng&query=fidelity

In closing, I think that desire expressed by Elder Holland sums up how I have come to view the concept of fidelity: Fidelity in marriage, and really in any relationship, requires being true both to the other person and also to ourselves and to the Lord. “May the joy of our fidelity to the highest and best within us be ours as we keep our love and our marriages, our society and our souls, as pure as they were meant to be, I pray” (Jeffrey R. Holland, https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/place-no-more-for-the-enemy-of-my-soul?lang=eng&query=fidelity). 

A Keeper on Education in the Home

"The Home as an Educational Institution" by G. Homer Durham, April 1979 General Conference.

Spiritually Spoiled

It has been a while, so I thought I need to pick up writing again. The topic on my mind is this: I am spoiled.

With the internet and social media, I have the benefit of keeping in touch with a lot of people I would have otherwise lost, which also means that I hear about many of their trials and the trials of their friends, acquaintances, and people they've heard of. Daily I hear about some new tragedy that has happened somewhere, some new heartache someone is facing, some new difficulty coming upon another family. I have started to make a habit of saying an immediate prayer any time I read of someone's trial or someone who asks for a prayer, because I know I won't remember all of them later. 

Inevitably, I look at my own life and think, "Wow, I am spoiled!" Of course life isn't easy and I have my struggles, but almost all of them are struggles of my own choice. I want to have a big family and still practice law on the side? Yup, that is going to be a lot of work. Exactly what I longed and prayed for. I want my husband to go to medical school and become a doctor while we are having that big family? That is going to be a lot of time and hard work and struggle. Exactly what we pleaded for the Lord to allow us to do. Callings and life changes require a lot of us? Exactly what we wanted and covenanted to do, knowing the blessings that we would get in exchange. 

In short, the Lord has given me everything I've ever seriously asked for, and every day I still beg for Him to help me get through it. Pretty humbling when I think about it.

So why on earth do I slack on the work before me? Why does my scripture study vary in effectiveness and intensity? Why don't I take better care of what I am given? I have been reading in the Book of Mormon about those last years before Christ visited the Nephites, and it has been a good reminder not to take for granted my blessings or to get so caught up in advancing in the world that I let the most important things slip. One of the great lessons of the Book of Mormon is that prosperity can test spirituality as much as suffering can, and that chastisement is the Lord's way of calling His people to Him and refining them in His image.

For the record, I do not desire any additional trials to call me, but I do want to be sure that I am listening to the Lord daily through the voice of His Spirit, and acknowledging His hand in my life and learning what He would teach me.

No Gods Before Me

I gave a talk in church on Sunday on the first commandment. I wrote it in its entirety in a couple of hours on Saturday when I was sick and had some unpleasant things going on. It was very unlike my usual talk-writing process, and was really a gift. So for anyone interested (and for my own records), here it is.

I was asked to speak today on the first of the Ten Commandments, which says, “Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.” If I am not mistaken, someone spoke on this topic recently in Sacrament meeting, which is humbling both because I don’t want to bore you all, but more importantly because the frequency indicates the importance of the topic. And to the brother who gave the talk, I’m sorry I don’t remember who you are, but with three boys doing their best to ensure that I’m not paying attention, I call the fact that I remember anything at all a win.

Throughout the scriptures, the Lord has elaborated upon what it means to place no gods before Him. In the commandment immediately following this one, He says, “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God.”

 In his October General Conference talk, Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained these commandments this way: “More than merely forbidding physical idols, this states a fundamental priority for all time… The meaning of jealous is revealing. Its Hebrew origin means “possessing sensitive and deep feelings”. Thus we offend God when we “serve” other gods—when we have other first priorities.”

The Old Testament Student Manual says this about God’s proclaimed jealousy as to our priorities:

"At first some may think that this demand for exclusive worship and devotion by God for Himself sounds selfish. But two things should be remembered. First, as Lord and Creator of all the universe, and as one who has all power, knowledge, and glory, God does not need man’s adoration and worship to add to His state of being. So, His jealousy is not a protective concern for His own status.

"The second thing to remember is that the Lord taught Moses that God’s work is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”. Anytime His children set anything before God in importance, they begin to thwart His work for them. He is the only source of power and knowledge sufficient to save. To set anything above Him lessens their ability to draw on that power and knowledge for their salvation. That is why He says to His children, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”.

"One Bible scholar put it this way: “This commandment prohibits every species of mental idolatry, and all inordinate attachment to earthly and sensible things [things which appeal to the senses]. … God is the fountain of happiness, and no intelligent creature can be happy but through him. … The very first commandment of the whole series is divinely calculated to prevent man’s misery and promote his happiness, by taking him off from all false dependence, and leading him to God himself, the fountain of all good.” (Clarke, Bible Commentary, 1:402–3.)"

King Benjamin’s teachings in the Book of Mormon add to our understanding that God asks for our loyalty and obedience for our benefit rather than his: “I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another— I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants.

 “And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

“ And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him.

 “And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast?”

In short, the things that God demands of us benefit him only in that His work is furthered because His work is blessing and saving us. Seeing as tax season is upon us, I’ll put it this way: Act for act, we will never give Him a net gain on His loving investment in us. But as we put Him first in our lives, we will feel His love and concern for us and come to know Him, the only true God, which Christ said “is life eternal.” (John 17:3)

In the New Testament when Christ himself was asked about the great commandment in the law, “Jesus said…, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.”

Putting God first in our lives isn’t about blind obedience or demanding rules; it is about loving God, “because He first loved us.” It is about allowing that love to penetrate everything that we do so that through our faith and diligence “all things shall come together for [our] good.” (D&C 90:24)

In his April 1988 General Conference address, President Ezra Taft Benson expounded on how we are to do this: “To love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is all-consuming and all-encompassing. It is no lukewarm endeavor. It is total commitment of our very being—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—to a love of the Lord.

“The breadth, depth, and height of this love of God extend into every facet of one’s life. Our desires, be they spiritual or temporal, should be rooted in a love of the Lord. Our thoughts and affections should be centered on the Lord. “Let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord,” said Alma, “yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever” (Alma 37:36).

“Why did God put the first commandment first? Because He knew that if we truly loved Him we would want to keep all of His other commandments. “For this is the love of God,” says John, “that we keep his commandments” (1 Jn. 5:3; see also 2 Jn. 1:6).

“We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives. He must come first, just as He declares in the first of His Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Ex. 20:3).

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.

“We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives.”

This can be a hard task in our day and age, when society at large seems bent on either disregarding God and mocking all those who would follow His commandments, or defining God in ways that please themselves and others. Some grasp at principles they like, such as freedom and love, to the exclusion of other truths which would govern and bring meaning to them, such as obedience and chastity.

As the Lord himself said in His introduction to the Doctrine and covenants, “They seek not the Lord to establish his righteousness, but every man walketh in his own way, and after the image of his own God, whose image is in the likeness of the world, and whose substance is that of an idol, which waxeth old and shall perish in Babylon, even Babylon the great, which shall fall.”

So when we seek to define God according to our own design, or to fit Him into what our society or culture sees as “politically correct” instead of seeking to know and follow Him, we are creating our own image to worship instead of putting Him first.

In a 1978 address at BYU, Elder Neal A. Maxwell spoke prophetically of this problem and how we must confront it: “Your discipleship may see the time come when religious convictions are heavily discounted… This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain of people’s opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions. Resistance to abortion will soon be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened.”

He continued, “It may well be, as our time comes to ‘suffer shame for his name’ (Acts 5:41), that some of this special stress will grow out of that portion of discipleship which involves citizenship. Remember that, as Nephi and Jacob said, we must learn to endure ‘the crosses of the world’ (2 Nephi 9:18) and yet to despise ‘the shame of [it]’ (Jacob 1:8). To go on clinging to the iron rod in spite of the mockery and scorn that flow at us from the multitudes in that great and spacious building seen by Father Lehi, which is the ‘pride of the world,’ is to disregard the shame of the world.”

38 years later, Elder Oaks echoed the same sentiments and confirmed Elder Maxwell’s foresight, which all of us have seen play out around us. He said, “Our twelfth article of faith states our belief in being subject to civil authority and “in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.” But man’s laws cannot make moral what God has declared immoral. Commitment to our highest priority—to love and serve God—requires that we look to His law for our standard of behavior. For example, we remain under divine command not to commit adultery or fornication even when those acts are no longer crimes under the laws of the states or countries where we reside. Similarly, laws legalizing so-called “same-sex marriage” do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments and our standards concerning it. We remain under covenant to love God and keep His commandments and to refrain from serving other gods and priorities—even those becoming popular in our particular time and place.

“In this determination we may be misunderstood, and we may incur accusations of bigotry, suffer discrimination, or have to withstand invasions of our free exercise of religion. If so, I think we should remember our first priority—to serve God—and, like our pioneer predecessors, push our personal handcarts forward with the same fortitude they exhibited.”

As we stand up for what we believe, whether it be in public discourse or in simply living Godly principles, we will inevitably be called out as a strange and peculiar people, and many will seek to tear down our faith. But putting God first means trusting that His way will guide us to live “after the manner of happiness,” as Nephi called it. At some point this will require hard things from each of us. It will require us to change our habits and attitudes and to humble ourselves or to be humbled. It will require us to withstand derision as we cling to unpopular principles. It will require us to endure physical, mental, or emotional pain for ourselves or loved ones in faith. It will change the way we view ourselves, our families, our activities, and our affiliations. It will cause us to reevaluate our treatment of sacred things such as our homes, church and temple attendance and participation, and the Sabbath day. It will call us to take on responsibilities of varying shapes and sizes and to sustain others in their responsibilities even when we may have differing opinions. It will require our loyalty to God’s servants, who, as imperfect men, are nevertheless called to carry out divine purposes. Elder Maxwell  called this one “a hard doctrine, but … a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked,” because, as he continued, “not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ.”

This isn’t to say that we can’t ask honest questions; they are an essential part of building faith. It does require that we ask those questions “with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ,” and a “desire to believe.” Then the Spirit can teach without acrimony the hard truths we sometimes struggle to discern. If, on the other hand, our desire is to fit in with what the world deems acceptable and we disregard his commandments, we run the risk of becoming “past feeling” as Nephi said.

Putting God first also does not require that we shun outsiders or put down others’ opinions. We can praise all that is virtuous, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy in society, but we must also stand true to God when asked to take the false with the true. The key is discernment through the Holy Ghost, which we can only access through our personal worthiness and by keeping the covenant to “Always remember [Jesus Christ].”

This week I read the book Unbroken, which is the story of Louie Zamperini, an Olympic runner who was in a plane crash in World War II, survived on a raft drifting across the Pacific for 47 days only to be captured by the Japanese and subjected to labor, starvation, and dehumanizing abuse, especially by one particular captor known as “The Bird.” When he finally returned home, he suffered from flashbacks and his dreams were haunted by The Bird. He turned to drinking, and resolved in his mind that the only way to free himself would be to exact revenge by returning to Japan and killing The Bird himself. His life spiraled out of control, and he was “past feeling” in many ways. Finally, his wife convinced him to go to two Billy Graham sermons. In the first he couldn’t bear to stay because he felt so attacked and confronted by the calls for repentance and forgiveness. In the second he was about to storm out again when a flashback of another kind came upon him; he remembered the times that he prayed on the raft, saying that if God would just spare his life that he would serve God forever. He seemed to feel rain on his head as he stood there in the sermon. Twice such prayers on the raft had led to life-sustaining rain, and other times they had been able to catch food. He remembered the peaceful beauty that he had seen and felt as they passed through the doldrums, and the confirmation that those things were granted him as gifts from God to sustain him. Suddenly the fear and hate left him and he was filled with love for and from God. From that moment he was able to make the changes he so desperately needed in his life, to let go of his bitterness and to forgive. His nightmares ceased. He spent the rest of his life sharing his message and helping troubled kids to change their lives. By letting go of his god of revenge, he was able to put the God of love first and to be healed.

On a more personal note, I am often reminded that my priorities need adjusting if God is to be first in my life. Just this week I read a couple of articles that friends had posted online questioning certain opinions and practices taught by the Brethren. I thought about how subtly truths can be twisted and construed, “to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.” (Mark 13:22) And then I had a somewhat chastising thought: How much time do I spend studying the scriptures and the words of the prophets compared to the time I spend reading things online and elsewhere? How much of my study is spent finding out what the world thinks, and how much spent finding out what my Father thinks? How much of my daily effort is spent coming to know and love Him? Suddenly it became clear to me how easily I could confuse my priorities and lose the spiritual discernment needed to wade through all of the half-truths that society teaches.

Another example comes up frequently in my current stage of life. Going out and about with three energetic boys seems to elicit the same comment from almost everyone I see: “You have your hands full!” My answer is generally, “Yes, I do!” which I try to follow with some expression of how blessed I am to have to have full hands. Depending on my boys’ behavior, this can be easier to do some times than others. Often amid seemingly innocuous comments I get the sense that my having three kids isn’t necessarily a good thing, and the fact that I might want more seems completely preposterous to many. Sometimes I have felt self-conscious about wanting a big family and staying home with my kids, or that we won’t be sending our kids to the best schools and extracurricular activities. In high school when I said that I want to stay home with my children, more than one teacher made comments akin to, “What a waste!” As I heard one comedian say, “Big families are like waterbed stores; they used to be everywhere, but now they are just weird.” But when I seek out the Spirit I am reminded that by following God’s commandments to have children and to put my family first, I am investing myself and my time in the things that are 

eternally important and that will, in the end, bring the most happiness to myself and others as I serve God instead of the opinions and ways of the world.

In his April 1996 Conference talk, Russell M. Nelson likened putting God first to a military drill: an officer would call out, attention! Right face! Left face! Or About face! And all those in the drill would act instantly. In testing our allegiance to the commandment to put God first, Elder Nelson suggested that we ask ourselves, “Which way do I face?” In 3 Nephi, when the voice of God came to the surviving Nephites and Lamanites introducing His son, at first the people didn’t understand the voice. They “cast their eyes round about,” presumably to the people around them, trying to figure out what the voice was and where it came from. Finally, the third time, “they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came. And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard.”

I would invite each of us to evaluate where we are facing and whether we are enabling ourselves to hear and receive the loving counsel of our Heavenly Father. I testify that as we seek Him first and follow His commandments in all things that we will be blessed and prospered in all things, and come to know His love, which can fill our lives and make us whole. In doing so, we “may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure.” (Moroni 7:48)