Talk: Perfect in Christ

 Perfection in Christ

August 28, 2022

As I was pondering how to start my talk today, my mind somewhat randomly came to a phrase in my patriarchal blessing, which I think will be okay to share here. I am cautioned that at times Satan will attempt to bruise my heels and lead me astray. In the scriptures we read that Satan will have power to bruise our heels here in mortality, and I wondered what that really meant. So I Iooked up what it means to have a bruised heel, and Dr. Kenworthy over there confirmed that my internet search didn’t lead me too far astray, even if my medical terminology was incorrect. 

A bruised heel happens when the fat pad in your heel, which cushions the heel bone, is compressed and displaced, allowing the bone to bruise. 

It is caused by repetitive impact on the heel, especially from repetitive jumping or long-distance running (which happens to be my favorite sport. Not that I run that far these days, but if I’m going to do something, it’s usually running). Contributing factors are poor footwear and training errors, like increasing your training too far, too fast, or changing the surface you run on or your footwear you use without time to adapt. In short, it is an overuse injury.

I know this would have zero meaning to most people from a spiritual standpoint, but when I read that I caught my breath and had to stop for a minute, because I knew that this phrase was put there for a reason, for me. The Lord wanted to remind me right now that He knows me, and a main vulnerability to my spiritual well-being is overuse fatigue--expecting myself to be able to do more and be more right now, and being discouraged when I don’t measure up. 

But how do we reconcile all of the counsel we get to do better with the plain fact that we can’t do it all? This is something that I feel that the Lord has been teaching me over and over and over again. (Apparently I am not just a perfectionist, I am a stubborn perfectionist. But really, it’s something I’ve always struggled with)

In the past I have thought that if I was obedient enough I could do everything. Aren’t we promised that keeping the commandments will mean that we can run and not be weary and walk and not faint? It’s funny, given how much of my life I have spent running, how long it took me to actually learn about what all these scripture references to running mean in practice. We need to remember that the kind of stamina needed to run without becoming weary is only ever achieved by long, slow training, always with an eye to pacing. The Lord may ask me to run a marathon, but he doesn’t expect me to up and do it at World Championship pace right this second. Along that route, I need periods of slow runs, sprint and medley workouts to build speed, and lots of nourishment and rest.

I also like to pause when I hear the word, “shall.” This one came up a lot in my legal writing class way back when, because it really has multiple meanings. It can express what will happen, but it can also express a command. So commandment keeping will make it so that we will be able to run and not be weary, but if it’s a commandment as well as a promise, we need to do the practical things that keep us from getting weary: pacing ourselves, taking care of ourselves, making sure our shoes don’t get worn out and our form is proper, and sometimes taking a break or riding a bike or swimming instead of running at at all. Scriptures like Mosiah 4:27 explain how to do this: “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.” The running really isn’t the important part here: it’s the diligence. And we enable ourselves to be consistent and diligent when we give ourselves a sustainable pace.

If you haven’t had enough misinterpreted scriptural running analogies, then I’m sorry but I’m on a roll so we are going to keep going. We often talk about running a race with respect to living the Gospel, and there is a lot we can learn from this analogy that is useful. Hebrews 12 encourages us to “lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.” But I think this idea also can get us off track if we don’t understand the limits of the metaphor. The main characteristic of a race is competition. But living the Gospel, whose purpose is to redeem the whole human family, should be anything but a competition.

The girls on my high school cross-country team were all Christian, and our team scripture became 1 Corinthians 9:24: “Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth a prize? So run, that ye may obtain. Great scripture, and it inspired me to run my hardest and try my best in more than just running. But 16-year-old me did not take time to understand the context of the rest of Paul’s message here. He continues: “And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things.” Oh, right there he is saying that we need to moderate our efforts and keep balance! Not just run flat out without stopping. “Now they (meaning the runners in a race) do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.” Right there Paul is saying that he is actually contrasting living the gospel with running a race to point out how they are different. “I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air.” 

As we run our race with temperance, we should remember that the eternal race isn’t at all about how ahead or behind we perceive ourselves to be compared to the people around us or reaching a certain righteousness index. Certainly as we follow Christ He will help us to overcome sins and temptations, but the important part really isn’t the progress metric, but the process itself. Because the moment we think that we don’t need Christ desperately, or don’t need HIm as much as other people, we are right back at the starting line. This reminds me of the Nephites who were there when Christ appeared. They heard a voice, and the first two times they didn’t understand it because they looked around at each other to try to figure out what was happening. It wasn’t until the third time that they looked steadfastly to heaven, and not to each other, that they were able to understand what the Lord had to say to them.

As I wrote about competition and comparison, in my mind's eye I saw our ward as my high school track practice, where lots of different athletes of different abilities are training. Some are jogging slowly, some are doing sprints, some are walking or stretching. They all have different abilities and strengths. They are all training for different events. Some are practicing shot put or pole vault. Some, like me at some points, are in the field house icing their shins or riding a stationary bike because they, shockingly, have an overuse injury. And I felt the love of the Savior, who would look on each of those athletes that He loves and not care an ounce what mistakes they had made or what struggles they had or what place they came in at the last meet. Knowling all these things, He would only care that they were there showing up, willing to be coached and stretched, willing to try because they trust HIm and trust in the process He has laid out for each of them, and they want to do their best.

I think that’s why another phrase has been coming back to me for the last several months: the Lord’s course is “one eternal round.” Like that track where we can all train and help one another, remembering as Paul did that worldly races are about winning but eternal races aren’t. 

I think it’s so interesting that we regularly have images of the Lord being on a straight path but also being on a round one. In Alma 7 he says:

“For I perceive that ye are in the paths of righteousness; I perceive that ye are in the path which leads to the kingdom of God; yea, I perceive that ye are making his paths straight.

“I perceive that it has been made known unto you, by the testimony of his word, that he cannot walk in crooked paths; neither doth he vary from that which he hath said; neither hath he a shadow of turning from the right to the left, or from that which is right to that which is wrong; therefore, his course is one eternal round.”

The path is straight because it is narrow and doesn’t vary, but it’s round because the Lord is always on the right and never going to the left (or to what is wrong). When it comes to my analogy we may need to run the track backwards so we will always be turning right, but otherwise, I think the metaphor holds. And I think it’s safe to say that if you feel like you are running in circles and your efforts aren’t taking you as far as you might like, you are still on the Lord’s path. If you make the same mistakes you’ve made before but you get up and try again, you are still on the Lord’s path. And it doesn’t matter where on that track you are as long as you are trying to listen to His voice and do what He asks. It just matters that you are there trying, and supporting the other people that are there training with you.

In my effort to run and not be weary, for the last good while I have been slowly going through the Book of Mormon again, trying to take time and to open myself up to what the Lord might teach me, not putting too much pressure on myself to finish a certain study plan or have a remarkable insight every time. I think it was no coincidence that when I received this assignment I had been working my way through Christ’s teachings to the Nephites in 3 Nephi for a week or so.

Then, what do you know, I open up the talk that Bishop Smith suggested I reference for this talk and immediately Elder Holland brought up those very passages! He said:

“The Sermon on the Mount begins with soothing, gentle beatitudes, but in the verses that follow, we are told--among other things--not only not to kill but also not even to be angry. We are told not only not to commit adultery but also not even to have impure thoughts. To those who ask for it, we are to give our coat and then give our cloak also. We are to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and do good to them who hate us.

He continues, “If that is your morning scripture study, and after reading just that far you are pretty certain you are not going to get good marks on your gospel report card, then the final commandment in the chain is sure to finish the job: ‘Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father…in heaven is perfect.’ With that concluding imperative, we want to go back to bed and pull the covers over our head. Such celestial goals seem beyond our reach. Yet surely the Lord would never give us a commandment He knew we could not keep.”

Part of the problem that Elder Holland alludes to here comes from the fact that the connotations of the word “perfect” in  modern English are different from the original meaning in the scriptures. And now we get to go back to the tried-and-true, stereotypical way to start a talk:

The dictionary defines the word perfect as: 

1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type:

2. excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement:

3. Unblemished, faultless, flawless

If we apply this definition to Jesus’ injunction, we are likely to despair. No matter how much I try and how much I trust and how much I repent, I don’t see a way for me to conform absolutely to the measure of Christ, to get to the point that I can’t make any theoretical improvement, or to be faultless or flawless. Just ask my boys how many times in a week I have to apologize to them because I reacted poorly to something. But despair is a tool of Satan, not God. Despair is how I’m prone to being led astray, thinking that I just can’t measure up and so it’s less painful not to try. We can similarly be led astray if we expect that righteousness should make others free from error too. If we expect righteousness to mean perfectionism, then every leader and prophet from the beginning of time down to Russell M. Nelson will be a disappointment. And if the prophets can’t be perfect, and we can’t be perfect, what’s the point? This is why Satan wants so badly for us to spend our time tearing ourselves and others down, using a measuring stick that isn’t scaled for grace and mercy and the pure love of Christ. 

Thankfully, this is not what Christ asks of us. President Nelson has taught that the word used in Matthew 5 is the Greek teleios, meaning complete. Its prefix, tele-, as in telephone or telegram, indicates something far off. Its verb form means to complete or to reach a distant end or goal. (CR Oct 1995, “Perfection Pending”)

This definition of perfection is so much more hopeful to me. It’s something I can work toward, little by little, with help; not something I have to demonstrate now to be worthy. It causes me to look up at the goal instead of down on myself. 

And I think that is a huge key to becoming perfect in Christ. It’s looking to Him instead of looking to our own strength and wisdom and understanding. It’s trusting that even though the gap between our expectations and our performance seems wide, He can use us for His purposes and, line upon line, make us like He is.

Back to Elder Holland’s talk, which is from October 2017 for anyone who would like to read it:

“‘Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him,...,’ Moroni pleads. “Love God with all your might, mind and strength, then … by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ.’ Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven--we can’t ‘earn’ it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism.” 

I love to think about what it means to receive the gift of perfection from Christ like Elder Holland says rather than trying to earn it myself. When I think about the magnitude of that gift, I’m inspired to obey Him out of love and to give what I can to His other children. I don’t excuse my sins and mistakes, but I can forgive myself for them and resolve to keep on trying. That’s the difference between guilt vs. shame, between grace vs. perfectionism, and really between what Christ tells us about ourselves vs. what the adversary wants us to believe. We are supposed to have weakness so that Christ can mold us into the people He needs us to be.

So going back to those “soothing, gentle beatitudes” that Christ gives before asking us to live a higher, more demanding law, I see now why it was so important that they be given first. If we come up against the demands of the law and feel broken or weak, if we sin and we mourn and we feel like the poorest in spirit, then the law is having its proper effect on us: it has shown us our need for Christ. Remember the people who He blesses are poor, broken, meek, hungry, thirsty, and persecuted. These aren’t things we are trying to avoid, as we do in a worldly sense. These are things we are seeking after, because it’s not so much the achievements as the continual turning to HIm that He is looking for. It’s the broken heart that He wants, because it’s a broken heart that can let Him in to stretch and grow and change. “And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” (3 Nephi 9:20) Then if we turn to Him we will be blessed as He described!

 

Elder Holland put it this way:  “Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete--which is the New Testament meaning of perfection.”

With that in mind, my personal invitation for all of us is that we press forward toward perfection in the sense that we press forward toward Christ. We keep looking to Him, trying to do what He asks us with the understanding that He’ll provide the strength and the light and He can make our small and imperfect offerings able to accomplish His great work.

We can “be not weary in well-doing, for [we] are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind.” (D&C 64:33–34) Not perfection; desire and willingness. 

“[We] are not able to abide the presence of God now, neither the ministering of angels; wherefore, continue in patience until [we] are perfected.” (D&C 67:13)

We follow the counsel to “not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided…; but be diligent unto the end.” (D&C 10:3)

As Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve taught:

“As we seek new and holier ways to love God and help us and others prepare to meet Him, we remember that perfection is in Christ, not in ourselves or in the perfectionism of the world.

“God’s invitations are full of love and possibility because Jesus Christ is “the way, the truth, and the life.” To those who feel burdened, He invites, “Come unto me,” and to those who come to Him, He promises, “I will give you rest.” “Come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, … love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ.”

I leave that invitation and my testimony that Jesus is the Christ, who took all of our sins and weaknesses and infirmities upon Himself so that He can make us whole, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Shame, Guilt, and Gospel

I went through a Brene Brown kick a while back where I listened to several of her audiobooks in a row. (I tend to do that with different authors.) She has so much good insight into the destructive power of shame in our lives and the gifts of vulnerability and refusing to hide when shame tells us to.

A key distinction that she and others in the psychotherapy world make is the difference between shame and guilt. Shame tells us that we are inherently flawed, and unworthy, and that we should shrink, hide, or disappear. It makes our sins and mistakes mean that we are not enough. Guilt, on the other hand, is a signal that our actions are out of alignment with who we are and our values, and that something needs to change. Guilt, essentially, leads to self-knowledge that we can use to repent. I would posit that guilt can be the godly sorrow mentioned in the scriptures, but shame cannot.

As I was reading the account of Lehi's vision this time around, I got stuck on the phrase, "And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed." (1 Nephi 8:25) It seems crazy that just after partaking of this most joyful fruit, the people could be shamed by the bullies in the great and spacious building. "And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost." (v. 28) It made me wonder in what ways shame might be hindering my progress in the Gospel.

One way that I know I have dropped the fruit, so to speak, is in my failure to share the Gospel with others. Last week I read the book The Power of Everyday Missionaries by Clay Christiansen, and it really laid out how the world convinces most of us in the Church that we can't and shouldn't share the Gospel all the time. And even knowing this, I am not sure I can open my mouth and say what I know I should. It seems so risky for some reason even though the only thing I have to lose is possibly the good opinion of others. That comes from shame--feeling like I need to hide who I am or reveal the Gospel only to those I know are interested. I plan to really pray and work on this because I realized just how much I am missing by not obeying that commandment and partaking of that fruit.

I looked for other references to shame in the Book of Mormon, and noticed this pattern: shame teaches us to hide, and the Lord says that the wicked will be ashamed in the presence of God. The righteous are instructed to put shame off and refuse to hide.

• Jacob 2:6, 6:9; Alma 12:15 - Wickedness will lead to feeling shame in the presence of God. The wicked will wish they could hide from Him because of their knowledge of their sins.
• 2 Nephi 7:5/Isaiah 50:6 - "I hid not my face from shame and spitting." The Lord was temped with shame just as we are, but he refused to hide. We follow Him when we stay in the light and refuse to hide, whether it be hiding what we know and avoiding the world's scorn or hiding our own sins from the Lord and from the world.
• 2 Nephi 9:18 - Saints who "despise the shame of [the world] shall inherit the Kingdom.
• Jacob 1:8 - men should bear the shame of the world, suffering Christ's cross. In this case, I don't think bear means to internalize it or accept it; I think it means not to hide from it or to turn inward because of it. To shake it off and keep living the Gospel out loud.
• 3 Nephi 22:4 - we shouldn't be confounded, "for thou shalt not be put to shame, shalt forget the shame of thy youth."

My conclusion was this: If we apply the Atonement of Jesus Christ to our lives, we should shed shame. The world will try to shame us, but discipleship requires us to disregard that shame. It requires us to be vulnerable in both our public and private life, and willing to lay bare our true selves. That means refusing to hide who we are and refusing to hide from our sins.

Satan will try to convince us when we fail that we are inherently incapable of change and of success, so we shouldn't try; we can't change so the only way forward is to shrink of God's presence, to hide our sins and weaknesses or to justify them in comparison and judgment of others around us. At its core this concept is really very typical of Lucifer, who has always attacked the agency of man. If we are inherently incapable of obedience, then we do not have the agency to choose it. This is not of God, and is a lie. Because of Christ's Atonement, we can choose to change and be made whole in Him, regardless of how many times we fail, as long as we are willing to admit our sins, turn to Him, and just keep trying.

So I'll keep trying to put off shame and to put on the armor of God--to choose to lay bare my sins before Him daily and to trust that He can make me more than I am. I'll choose to live and speak the Gospel more boldly and to be the same person at home, work, and play that I am in church. And when I fall short, that will be okay too.

How Is It Done?

I finished reading the Book of Mormon today. I have learned so much about his time through and have been reminded how much Christ should be the center of my life. As I have read and looked for Christ in each page and each verse, I came to see again that there is a lack in my life, a place in my heart that is walled in by fear; a place where I have a hard time letting Christ in, where I can’t seem to apply my faith.

I believe in a Christ. I know He loves me, that He loves and died for each of us, that we can all be forgiven and have hope in His Atonement. And yet I often can’t seem to feel that it applies to me. Let’s take this week’s example:

I have been working a lot for the last who-knows-how-long at not yelling and losing my temper with my kids. It is my natural reaction to their defiance, and even though I know that it really doesn't help to fix any problems, I still fall into it. And I hate it. I hate how I feel, I hate how my kids look at me, I hate the thought of treating my babies that way. I am ashamed of myself, and I question my life decisions and my fitness for motherhood each time I do it.

Last week I did really well. I refused to get triggered by a lot of things, I was patient with my kids, I made a huge effort to have a good attitude through Christmas stress and tantrums and gatherings and messes, and I was proud of myself. I let my kids have friends over for a whole day and I cleaned up after their messes and bought them pizza and dealt with their meltdowns. And then a child was rude and defiant and persistently in my face instead of letting me cool off like I asked him to and I absolutely lost it. Maybe the worst I have ever done. I released all of my frustration on him and was  just terrible. And then I could hardly look at my children for the rest of the night. I felt worthless and absolutely hopeless. I have been given so much and I just can’t get it right, can’t be who I am supposed to be, can’t really change. I keep trying without getting any better. How can that happen? How can I ever overcome and how could that kind of behavior ever be erased? I’ve already scarred my children with it, I’ve already seen them look at me the way I swore as a child I would never make them do. How can I recover from that?

All week the words of Enos in his prayer echoed in the back of my mind, “How is it done, Lord?” How can this guilt be lifted and this rift mended? How could all of this possibly be swept away when I am screwing it up so royally?

He answers, “Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen.”

Enos didn’t just believe in Christ; he prayed all day and into the night with such earnestness that he called down an answer. He wrestled with himself before the Lord. And when God told him he was forgiven, he knew God couldn’t lie, so he believed.

Somewhere deep inside I am afraid to believe. Afraid to let go in case I am actually not enough, and my efforts aren’t enough to merit forgiveness. To be counted as His. Afraid that He really won’t make up for when I fail my children. Afraid that my failure will lead to theirs. And all that fear drives away my faith.

It was timely that I am as reading Moroni at this same time, because he taught me again about faith. How it leads to hope and love and every good thing, and not to despair. How Christ is calling me to Him and not looking for reasons to say I’m not enough or to punish me for my failings. He gave His life to bind up my wounds, and so that all of our imperfect efforts can be sanctified.

Tonight we had a little family counsel about the new Come, Follow Me curriculum and how we can make our home more gospel-centered. We talked about forgiveness, and about how we all mess up and even Mommy and Daddy are trying to do better so we can help each other. The same boy from the episode I described earlier declared, “You’re the best Mommy and the nicest Mommy in the world!”

My very sensitive and maybe more honest boy said, “Well, maybe you’re not the nicest mommy in the whole world, but I mean you’re nice.”

Thankfully I don't need to be the nicest or the best or the most perfect, because Christ did that already. But I can have hope that I can be nicer, better, and more perfect in Him.

"Giving a Chance" to Satan

Rough Thoughts on Freedom

From an old notebook I picked up to use again. Dated May 6, 2013.

Society often rejects whatever is hard or makes people feel bad.

EXAMPLES:

• Abstinence or Word of Wisdom--"It is pointless to teach because teens will do it anyway, or it is too hard to expect people not to participate."
• Nuclear Family--"Some people don't have it, and we don't want to make them feel bad, so we shouldn't talk about the idea."

Many also want to exclude any views that include or are founded on religious principles. But why should an opinion of a professor or the producers of Glee be more persuasive than God's commandments? Belief in their philosophy has no more foundation than my belief in a Biblical deity.

People want to be "free" from standards and ideals that decry their behavior and that call for change. But what kind of freedom is that? Freedom from home? From aspiring to greater things?

Paul said: 

For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.

What fruit had ye then in those things...?

But now being made free from sin, and become servants unto God, ye have your fruits unto holiness, and the end everlasting life."

         =Romans 6:20-22

President Packer, in April 2012 General Conference, said, "Life was never intended to be easy or fair." We can't water down our message with the idea that somehow we will be violating other's freedom because we teach something that is not immediately attainable for all. But we must consider each one through our individual ministry so that all can receive the portion of the Word that is theirs.

The Universally Disobeyed Commandment

From Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Come Unto Me," Ensign, April 1998:

Nothing in this world is more burdensome than sin—it is the heaviest cross men and women ever bear.
. . .

The Lord has probably spoken enough . . . comforting words to supply the whole universe, it would seem, and yet we see all around us unhappy Latter-day Saints, worried Latter-day Saints, and gloomy Latter-day Saints into whose troubled hearts not one of these innumerable consoling words seems to be allowed to enter. In fact, I think some of us must have that remnant of Puritan heritage still with us that says it is somehow wrong to be comforted or helped, that we are supposed to be miserable about something.

Consider, for example, the Savior’s benediction upon his disciples even as he moved toward the pain and agony of Gethsemane and Calvary. On that very night, the night of the greatest suffering that has ever taken place in the world or that ever will take place, the Savior said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. … Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

I submit to you, that may be one of the Savior’s commandments that is, even in the hearts of otherwise faithful Latter-day Saints, almost universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder whether our resistance to this invitation could be any more grievous to the Lord’s merciful heart. I can tell you this as a parent: as concerned as I would be if somewhere in their lives one of my children were seriously troubled or unhappy or disobedient, nevertheless I would be infinitely more devastated if I felt that at such a time that child could not trust me to help or thought his or her interest was unimportant to me or unsafe in my care. In that same spirit, I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands or trust in his commandments.


Just because God is God, just because Christ is Christ, they cannot do other than care for us and bless us and help us if we will but come unto them, approaching their throne of grace in meekness and lowliness of heart. They can’t help but bless us. They have to. It is their nature. 

I just love Elder Holland. And I needed this counsel. I am so prone to doubt myself and my capacity, to carry guilt for every failing past and present, and to fear for how I will fail in the future. I doubt myself when I don't receive an answer I hope for or understand the answer I receive, and I feel inadequate to live up the the blessings that I have received so abundantly. What an unnecessary load to carry! I need to unburden myself more regularly and more fully and to trust more in the Savior whose love I have felt so often and should know better.

Be a Man

Sometimes I come across a talk or piece of literature and think, "This needs to be on my boys' required reading list when they are older." Today another blogger posted this talk, and it is one of those.

From Carlos B. Away, in April 1992 Priesthood Session:

There is a lie—a vicious lie—circulating among the Latter-day Saints and taking its toll among the young. And it is that a “balanced man” is one who deliberately guards against becoming too righteous. This lie would have you believe that it is possible to live successfully and happily as a “double-minded man” with one foot in Babylon and one foot in Zion. (See James 1:8.)

. . .

Can a man be too righteous? Too Christlike? Impossible! Can the so-called “balanced man” walk successfully the beam between good and evil? No. Each step is shaky, and eventually he will teeter and fall and break himself against the commandments of God.

I have come across this attitude plenty in life, but it was most pronounced in college; from the guy that told my friend that going to do weekly baptisms for the dead was "a bit much" (FYI not a good way to impress a girl who goes to do weekly baptisms for the dead.), to people who called me "Molly Mormon" for not wanting to see certain movies, listen to certain music, or hang around certain places. If I am going to live the Gospel, I want to be all in! There are enough things I struggle with on a daily basis, why not discard things that are easily identifiable as being without merit for me?

I was very blessed with a strong group of friends who supported each other and never tore others down for striving to be their best selves, and that was one of the things that drew me to John as I got to know him. I hope that my children are blessed in that way, and that our family culture can be one where they support each other in righteousness. They will be up against a great deal of pressure to follow the ways of the world, and it is sometimes hardest when those who should be on our side add to that pressure.

More on Loving the Sinner

I have in my heart a love for all of God’s children. I have no ill feeling toward any human being. With you, I hate sin, but I love the sinner. We all have need to repent.
-Ezra Taft Benson, The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson (1988), 75.

My special assignment as a General Authority is to assist the First Presidency in bringing people who have committed serious sins back into the Church. I receive, organize, and summarize information for the First Presidency to use in making decisions. I must read the background material to make certain that all pertinent information is available to them. As I read the heartbreak contained in letters of people pleading for forgiveness, I realize the truth of Alma’s statement: “Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness.” (Alma 41:10.) My heart goes out to those sufferers in a spirit of forgiveness. And instead of dwelling on the wickedness and grief of those who have sinned, I rejoice to read how many have abandoned their sinful practices and are now on the road back to righteousness and happiness. People can and do change.

When people are disfellowshipped or excommunicated from the Church, it is done not to punish but to help them. Church discipline requires this action, but we should remember that the word discipline has the same root as the word disciple. A disciple is a student or follower—one who is learning. Church discipline, then, must become a teaching process. When a person is disciplined, he should not be thrust out and abandoned by his associates. It is exactly at that time that we need to show increased love for such people, to teach and show them the way back to God. It is wicked to reject a child of God simply because he made an error. We need to teach him how to start anew, to change evil practices into righteous deeds, and thus to transform his life. With repentance through service to others, he can be reinstated into fellowship or washed clean in the waters of baptism and brought back into the family of God.

To teach people to overcome sin and change their lives for the better is the sum and substance of Christian service. We must do everything in our power to help sinners to change their lives for the better. Otherwise, as the scriptures warn us, we will have to shoulder their sins ourselves. Our obligation is to teach and help them, and the sinner’s obligation is to listen and learn. He will have to bear the whole burden himself if he refuses. But regardless of his present attitude, we must never abandon him nor think his reformation is hopeless. There is hope for everyone, and we must never cease trying to help people understand that through the atonement of Jesus Christ not only the sins of mankind in general but also their personal sins can be forgiven.
-Theodore M. Burton, "To Forgive is Divine," CR April 1983.

President Spencer W. Kimball often said that we should hate the sin but love the sinner. We should fellowship him who has gone astray and love him back into the fold.

Recently I interviewed a young lady who needed clearance from a General Authority before she could go on a mission. As she came in, I could see that she was very concerned about the interview. I assured her that she could go on this mission that she had been working toward for the past few years. Then she burst into tears, and they flowed freely down both cheeks. I asked her to tell me about her concerns. She started by saying that during her young teenage years she left home and started a life with her peers, thinking this was what she wanted. After about two and a half years she became involved with drugs and all kinds of worldly ways and was living a life of sex and loose morals. One day, as she groveled in self-pity, like the story of the prodigal son, she decided to return home because she realized that nothing good could come from her life-style.

Humbly, she returned home to her parents. To her surprise, they took her in and blessed her with medical help and the love that she never appreciated before. After four years of rehabilitation, she had a desire to serve the Lord as a missionary and worked closely with her bishop and stake president to qualify for this calling.

I told her that when she received her call as a missionary, she would bring into the hearts of her parents unspeakable joy, for their daughter who was lost had come alive again. I told her that all of the years of heartaches she had caused her parents, especially when they knew she was living close by and was steeped in drugs and doing all the things they had taught her were wrong—all of those heartaches would melt and swiftly disappear because now she had straightened herself out and desired to serve her Father in Heaven. When she received her call, there would be no higher honor paid to her parents, especially her mother who brought her into the world and nursed her and nurtured her. I told this young lady that missionary work is not easy, but the joy that she will receive from her labors as a missionary will be an eternal blessing that she will cherish forever and ever.
-Adney Y. Komatsu, "Keep His Commandments," BYU Fireside February 2, 1986.

A person’s ability to love unconditionally can have powerful effects. Seeing another person in an eternal perspective, knowing that he is of infinite worth, helps us to look beyond his weaknesses. However, if we criticize his behavior, he may see the criticism as a personal attack. Likewise, when a family member makes a mistake, and we find fault or strike back, that person may feel justified in acting as he did. Our challenge is to reject the sin without rejecting the sinner, to reach out and treat him with dignity and respect when he seems to deserve it the least.

. . .

Elder Jack H. Goaslind, Jr. related the following story about a mother whose daughter chose to go against Church standards:

“A good friend shared this story about how she learned the deeper meaning of love. Their family has always been active in the Church, trying their best to live the commandments. They were shocked and disappointed, however, when their daughter became engaged to a nonmember. The next day the mother was telling a good friend about her feelings. She knew her daughter’s fiance was a fine young man, but she felt angry, hurt, betrayed, and numb and did not want to give her daughter a wedding or even see her. She said that the Lord must have guided her to talk to her friend because she received this reply:

“‘What kind of a mother are you that you only love her when she does what you want her to do? That is selfish, self-centered, qualified love. It’s easy to love our children when they are good; but when they make mistakes, they need our love even more. We should love and care for them no matter what they do. It doesn’t mean we condone or approve of the errors, but we help, not condemn; love, not hate; forgive, not judge. We build them up rather than tear them down; we lead them, not desert them. We love when they are the most unlovable, and if you can’t or won’t do that, you are a poor mother.’”

“With tears streaming down her face, the mother asked her friend how she could ever thank her. The friend answered, ‘Do it for someone else when the need arises. Someone did it for me, and I will be eternally grateful.’” (In Conference Report, Apr. 1981, p. 79; or Ensign, May 1981, p. 60.)
-"Unconditional Love: The Key to Effective Parenthood," Family Home Evening Resource Book, 238.

Hate the Sin

A while back someone who left the church in recent years made a comment on Facebook to this effect:  "I don't buy the idea of 'hating the sin but loving the sinner' because you can't meaningfully separate the person from the things they do and how they live their life." She said this mostly in reference to the church's position on gay marriage, but with broader application, and it sat in the back of my mind for a while until I got thinking about it the other night and made a note to ponder and write some thoughts.

First I wanted to see if there was scriptural verification for the phrase. I went through the Topical Guide under the heading "hate," and here are a few pertinent passages:

Ye that love the Lord, hate evil: he preserveth the souls of his saints; he delivereth them out of the hand of the wicked.    Psalm 97:10

I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.     Psalm 101:3

These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, an heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.    Proverbs 6:16-19

The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.     Proverbs 8:13

Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.     Proverbs 10:12

He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.   Proverbs 13:24

He that saith he is in the light and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.    1 John 2:9-10

If you keep not my commandments, the love of the Father shall not continue with you, therefore you shall walk in darkness.     Doctrine and Covenants 95:12

Love worketh no ill to his neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.    Romans 13:10

A few things I noted as I studied:

There did indeed seem to be a distinction between "hating your brother," which was roundly decried, and "hating sin," which was wholly encouraged. This phrase seems to be borne of the ever-necessary attempt to do both.

I also got the feeling that the injunction to hate sin isn't so much a command to look for it in everyone else, but to hate it in ourselves, to cast it away from us so that it doesn't "cleave" to us, in the words of the Psalmist. This does require us to avoid society that would draw us in, but doesn't require us to seek to find it in everyone around us.

Love was spoken of as a cure-all, as we see in Proverbs 10:12 and 1 John 2:9-10, but that latter scripture was cross-referenced to Doctrine and Covenants 95:12, making clear that the kind of love that covers sins and keeps us in the light is charity, the pure love of Christ, and requires that we keep God's commandments if we want to possess it. It is more than just a happy feeling towards our neighbors, as Christ so poignantly showed in the parable of the Good Samaritan.

In that parable, we learn that love means helping and binding up the wounded and not walking by mute. Perhaps if the traveler didn't think that he was in need of help, he would have seen the Samaritan's actions as offensive or hateful, but the Samaritan saw a wound and strove to bind it, and his loving motivation wouldn't have been changed by the interpretation of it.

The thought that originally prompted me to study the topic was this: To me, hating the sin doesn't seem to mean only that I hate that a person does something wrong in my opinion. That is not what it is about. I hate sin because I love people. I hate that it separates them from the God that I know and love. I hate that it binds them and keeps the Spirit of truth and light at bay. I hate that it robs them of joy and of becoming the person God could make them into. I hate that it is a struggle that we have to go through. I hate that for some reasons, certain sins present especial trials for certain people. I hate that it breaks hearts and causes heartache. I hate it because I wish that all could see and feel the truth and light and joy that I've found, and sin stands as a barrier that must be overcome.

And finally, as we are all sinners, I think a simplification of the phrase clarifies my feeling towards it somewhat:

Hate sin; love everyone.

I think I will probably be studying more on this topic, since hate has become such a catchword these days.

Spiritual Toddlers

I love this quote from President Uchtdorf in the Priesthood session of this last General Conference:

It can be discouraging at times to know what it means to be a son of God and yet come up short. The adversary likes to take advantage of these feelings. Satan would rather that you define yourself by your sins instead of your divine potential. Brethren, don’t listen to him.

We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents.

Now, brethren, compared to the perfection of God, we mortals are scarcely more than awkward, faltering toddlers. But our loving Heavenly Father wants us to become more like Him, and, dear brethren, that should be our eternal goal too. God understands that we get there not in an instant but by taking one step at a time.

I do not believe in a God who would set up rules and commandments only to wait for us to fail so He could punish us. I believe in a Heavenly Father who is loving and caring and who rejoices in our every effort to stand tall and walk toward Him. Even when we stumble, He urges us not to be discouraged—never to give up or flee our allotted field of service—but to take courage, find our faith, and keep trying.

Our Father in Heaven mentors His children and often sends unseen heavenly help to those who desire to follow the Savior.

The Lord's Anointed.

I got another link to a well-intentioned but potentially contentious group of LDS women advocating for women to be able to breastfeed in Church meetings. To be honest, in general I don't care to voice an opinion on the matter. We all have different comfort levels and come from different backgrounds, and I think it matters much less if one side is right or wrong as it matters how we treat and consider each other in discussion and practice. So my personal take on breastfeeding in public isn't really relevant to what I want to say.

What always makes me a little uncomfortable about these "grassroots movements" that seem to keep popping up on the internet is that they may invite criticism and disparaging of Church leaders, and that is something that I have covenanted not to do. The Lord makes that point pretty clear:

“Cursed are all those that shall lift up the heel against mine anointed, saith the Lord, and cry they have sinned when they have not sinned before me, saith the Lord, but have done that which was meet in mine eyes, and which I commanded them.” (D&C 121:16.)

As I was thinking about that commandment, something somewhat obvious occurred to me for the first time: every member of the Church who has received the temple endowment has been anointed. And there are probably even more uses and connotations for that word that would bring a broader range of people within its meaning. Of course you can say that the scripture is talking about Church leadership and specifically the Prophet Joseph, and it is, but in some form we are all part of that leadership. Our specific stewardship may change over time, but we are all called and consecrated to the work. So really, I shouldn't be speaking evil of anyone. And that is, of course, a given, but takes on more weight in light of the covenants I've made and the promises I've received in exchange.

Tolstoy on Morality and "Greatness"

From War and Peace, p. 1267-8, speaking in regards to how historians treat the retreat of Napoleon out of Russia (and his exploits in general):

When it is impossible to stretch the very elastic thread of historical ratiocination any farther, when an action flagrantly contradicts all that humanity calls good and even right, the historians fetch out the saving idea of 'greatness'. 'Greatness' would appear to exclude all possibility of applying standards of right and wrong. For the 'great' man nothing is wrong; there is no atrocity for which a 'great' man can be blamed.

'C'est grand!' cry the historians, and that is enough. Goodness and evil have ceased to be: there is only 'grand' and not 'grand'. Grand is good, not-grand is bad. To be grand is according to them the necessary attribute of certain exceptional animals called by them 'heroes'. And Napoleon, taking himself off home wrapped in a warm fur cloak and abandoning to their fate not only his comrades but men who (in his belief) were there because he had brought them there, feels que c'est grand, and his soul is at ease.

'From the sublime' (he saw something sublime in himself) 'to the ridiculous there is only one step,' said he. And for fifty years the whole world has gone on repeating, 'Sublime! Grand! Napoleon le grand!'

Du sublime au ridicule il n'y a qu'un pas!

And it never enters anyone's head that to admit a greatness not commensurable with the standard of right and wrong is merely to admit one's own nothingness and immeasurable littleness.

For us who have hte standard of good and evil given us by Christ, nothing can claim to be outside the law. And there is no greatness where simplicity, goodness and truth are absent.

On the First Apostasy

Thus apostasy began; men fell away from the truth even in the day of righteous Adam; men turned to carnal and ungodly practices even in the day when there were living witnesses to tell them of Eden's beauty, of the fall and promised redemption, and of angelic ministrations and heavenly revelations of the mind and will of Him whose they are and we are."

Bruce R. McConkie, Mortal Messiah, 1:229-30

While it is entirely possible that Satan, in a literal way, came among Adam's children, i.e., appeared as a person to them, such an experience is so much out of the normal experience of students (or for that matter almost all people) that much more understanding of what happened to Adam's children may be obtained by comparing the situation to something nearer to home. It may well be that the text is personifying the spirit of apostasy as Satan. Certainly the apostate believes he is the "son of God" who is on the right track, while the Church and its leaders are accused of having gone astray.

CES PGP outline, Ellis Rasmussen

Thomas B. Marsh on apostasy

After the saints were driven from Nauvoo, Thomas B. Marsh, former president of the Quorum of the Twelve who had betrayed the prophet, went to Salt Lake City, confessed to his wrongs and pleaded for forgiveness. Speaking to the Saints, he said:

Many have said to me, 'How is it that a man like you, who understood so much of hte revelations of God as recorded in the Book of Doctrine and Covenants, should fall away?'...

I have sought diligently to know the Spirit of Christ since I turned my face Zionward, and I believe I have obtained it. I have frequently wanted to know how my apostacy began, and I have come to the conclusion that I must have lost the Spirit of the Lord out of my heart.

The next question is, 'How and when did you lose the Spirit?' I became jealous of the Prophet, and then I saw double, and overlooked everything that was right, and spent all my time in looking for the evil; and then, when the Devil began to lead me, it was easy for the carnal mind to rise up, which is anger, jealousy, and wrath. I could feel it within me; I felt angry and wrathful; and the Spirit of the Lord being gone, as the Scriptures say, I was blinded, and I thought I saw a beam in brother Joseph's eye, but it was nothing but a mote, and my own eye was filled with the beam; but I thought I saw a beam in his, and I wanted to get it out; and, as brother Heber says, I got mad, and I wanted everybody else to be mad. I talked with Brother Brigham and Brother Heber, and I wanted them to be mad like myself; and I saw they were not mad, and I got madder still because they were not. Brother Brigham, with a cautious looks, said, 'Are you the leader of the Church, brother Thomas?' I answered, 'No.' 'Well then,' said he, 'Why do you not let that alone?'

Well, this is about the amount of my hypocrisy--I meddled with that which was not my business.

-Journal of Discourses, 5:206-7

Evil Designs...in the hearts of conspiring men

Law school has a substantial writing requirement, meaning that every student must write at least one thirty-page paper supervised by a professor. I wrote my paper on morality and internet governance, overseen by a professor who has done a lot of research on internet governance, focusing on pornography and the internet. She has helped work on the Internet Community Ports Act among other legislation.

In any discussion of law and "morality," people get up in arms about being "controlled" by another person's morality. In many people's view, the burden should be on the individual consumer to avoid offensive or harmful content without any limits upon the producer or other consumers. So I thought that this quote from Revelations of the Restoration (p. 653) was particularly interesting, even though it is originally talking about the Word of Wisdom.

In today's world evil abounds. Greedy and conspiring men seek wealth and power, marketing prostitution, pornography, weapons, drugs, vulgar music, and entertainment offensive to the light of Christ. A prime target for their avarice will always be our children. The tobacco industry markets an addictive and killing poison, knowing it to be such. Profit is their only concern. We have found it necessary to pass numerous laws that protect consumers in the supermarket, yet all manner of destructive influences are available on the streets, in our schools, and even in our homes through television and internet. 

There is no form of wickedness that someone will not make available for a price. To give their evil designs some sense of respectability, they hide them behind weak phrases: "If it offends you, don't buy it." We in turn are expected to be so foolish as to suppose that if we don't buy that which is evil or offensive we will be spared its effects. The logic is threadbare. Our choice not to operate a smelter will not protect us against another man's choice to do so. We all breathe the same air; nonsmoking sections in a restaurant provide precious little protection to the non-smoker. Again, one man's choice not to use alcohol will hardly protect him from drunk drivers.

Gratefully, the spirit and direction of the revelations of the Restoration are such that not only are we warned against the designs of evil men, but a path of safety is marked so that we can--to the extent possible--protect ourselves from their destructive influence in our society.

I really am grateful for the revelations of the Restoration, including the continuing revelation through our current prophets. The traps seem to be growing more pervasive and insidious, but we know how to tread safely.

A law unto themselves.

An interesting passage from Doctrine and Covenants 88

And they who remain shall also be quickened; nevertheless, they shall return again to their own place, to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received.

For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift. 

And again, verily I say unto you, that which is governed by law is also preserved by law and perfected and sanctified by the same.

That which breaketh a law, and abideth not by law, but seeketh to become a law unto itself, and willeth to abide in sin, and altogether abideth in sin, cannot be sanctified by law, neither by mercy, justice, nor judgment. Therefore, they must remain filthy still.

My first thought was that this reminds me of one of the most-oft-repeated quotes from A Man for All Seasons:

"What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil? ... And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned round on you – where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country is planted thick with laws from coast to coast, Man's laws, not God's, and if you cut them down -- and you're just the man to do it -- do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake!"

There is a great protection to be found in the rule of law. How much more so when that law is established by God!

But the thing that resonated most with me  was the verse about those who seek to become a law unto themselves and willingly abide in sin. I have to say, I don't know of anyone who fully meets this description, but I daily observe people doing this in little ways--willing to justify their individually breaking commandments that are generally applicable.

Now I am not one to judge others for commandment-breaking; regretfully, I do it all the time. Every day, in fact. The thing that bewilders me is the attitude that we so often meet with regards to obedience. The world's view clearly leans toward the idea that everyone can decide for themselves what their law will be. But even within the Church I so often see people flaunting with pride the fact that they break laws that they deem to be of lesser importance. There is almost an attitude of showing, "See, I can do this, that, or the other, and still be spiritual, or righteous, or what-have-you. I'll show you that I don't have to be a 'Molly Mormon' or 'Peter Priesthood' to be righteous." This runs partially on the assumption that those who are strict in their obedience do it only for show, and that image must be countered. It is built on comparison and competition.

Of course in the end, this attitude is self-defeating. It distracts us from the reason that we obey. Our obedience isn't for others to see; it is for our own blessing and protection, and recommended by an all-knowing Father who loves us more than we can comprehend.

"by the shedding of blood"

[Amalickiah] did command that his people should maintain those cities which they had taken by the shedding of blood; for they had not taken any cities save they had lost much blood.
Alma 52:4

This struck me as really interesting this time when I read it. I usually think of "shedding of blood" as referring to the victims whose blood the aggressors spilled, but this is also pointing out that the Lamanites themselves lost blood. They spilled the blood--the life--of their own people in an attempt to subject the Nephites. So indicators of an unrighteous endeavor include not just harm to others but also harm to ourselves. Are we bleeding ourselves and our loved ones to gain power or status or lucre? To assuage our pride? To feed our ambition? We don't make those kinds of gains over others without losing much blood ourselves.